1 (800) 442-HOPE (4673)

A "warm-line," (as opposed to a hot-line,) for people who are not suicidal, but want someone to talk to....

But…I’m a nice person!

Evil preys more easily upon a person’s virtues than his vices.


Think about it: I absolutely loathe the saying, “You can’t cheat an honest man.” Of course you can. Crooks (for the most part) can’t cheat other crooks. Crooked people are paranoid, and therefore almost always on the lookout for anyone taking advantage of them. Why wouldn’t they be on the alert? They (the crooks) are always on the take, so they assume everyone else is. “Everyone else is out to get a piece of the action,” is their thinking.


But good people aren’t. We are good, so our default mode is always to think the best of someone.


When they screw us over, we think it was an accident.


When we work up the courage to confront them about it, we believe their lies (too numerous to list here).


When we finally come to the realization that they screwed us over on purpose, we forgive, because...


• We don’t want to believe the worst.
• We don’t want to be “like them.”
• We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.
• We are morally lazy.


Let’s address these points, one by one:


1) We don’t want to believe the worst.
Believe it. Evil is real...and it is everywhere.  Life would be so much better if I could get good people to believe Evil exists. That is the first step in eradicating it.


2) We don’t want to be “like them.”
Calling someone out on their evil behavior -- getting right up in their face and saying, “You WILL NOT treat me that way, anymore!”-- is not being, "like them."
They treated you badly when you were innocent of anything. They did it just because they felt like it. You didn’t provoke them: they blamed you after you confronted them. A post hoc rationalization that doesn’t fit the facts.


3) We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.
Magical thinking. It just lets them know what a sucker you are, and eggs them on. Red flag to a bull.


4) We are morally lazy.
It takes effort to finally -- after weighing all the facts -- decide that someone is “Evil.” They are not old, or tired, or senile, or forgetful, or mentally ill or high, or just don’t know any better. The Evil act (or usually, “acts”) is willful, premeditated, and vengeful.


And that’s just the first step. After deciding they are Evil, well…now you have to act on it. You can confront them (a waste of time) or get them out of your life (the best of all possible worlds).

Remember: the enemy knows you have a tendency to forgive: they’re counting on that.

A difference between a narcissist, and an Evil Person 

(Trait #2)

 "A Narcissist has a hostile reaction to attention and credit given others."
 
My Evil Family of Origin is utterly indifferent to the achievements of others. It wasn't a feigned indifference.  You can't fake that; it always looks a little forced.

Real indifference is unmistakable. Rather, my relatives simply had no stake whatsoever in the accomplishments, skills, or goals of others.

I think this is what caused so many of their friends to fade away.

My Family of Origin is attractive and well-educated. People are drawn to them. But being their friend meant that -- after years of getting just a little attention for life's accomplishments  -- their friends just...drift away. Things that get a normal, positive reaction from others, such as getting married, having kids or getting that job promotion, received no reaction whatsoever from my relatives. After their friends drifted away, my relatives made no attempt to follow up, write, or visit.

Their lives were utterly circumscribed by their needs, and the need to control anyone they see as a potential patsy.

A difference between a narcissist, and an Evil Person 

(Trait #1)

"Narcissists can't stand to live alone."


(Narcissists-suck)



I don't know. All I know is Evil People can't stand to live with someone.


Evil Parents separate and get divorced. They don't remarry. My siblings had roommates for a while, and they just couldn't get along, so they all moved out on their own, even though the expense really stretched their wallets.


Heck; I didn't like roommates either, but I got along. You have to; it's a part of life.


Now that they are all successful in their careers (and can afford not to have roommates) they could get married. Yet are all unmarried. All four of my siblings. Not married; never were. No kids either (thank God.)

"Ode to Life"... by me.

Dial 1(800) 442-HOPE (4673) any time of the day or night, if you feel the need.

Ode to Life!

I absolve myself for hurting those who seek to harm me,

for offending those who give offense,

for pushing those who shove,

for moving away from those who are unable to get close.

Evil Trait #4: Any Loss of Control is Seen as Complete Loss of Control, or: 
Never give an Inch...

 
After spending every single Christmas with the my freak Family of Origin -- well into adulthood -- I wanted one Christmas with my family.

One.

I didn't ask them; I'm not a supplicant. I told them. I could hear the frosty reception, but I couldn't even guess at what came next.


My older sister called, and said our brother was going out of town for Christmas...could I come for a "going away" party? It was on December 15. I said, "Sure."


When my spouse and I got there, we placed our gifts for the freak family on the floor, in an open space, and I noticed that their gifts to us were shoved behind a chair. So much for grabbing them and stuffing them in the car for a hasty getaway. We didn't want the gifts; we wanted the hasty getaway.


I tried to make small talk with Older Sister, and she gave me a look that froze me to my bones: it was the most slanted-eye, pinched-lip, Evil Face I have ever seen. It took my breath away. It took me years to figure it out, and here it is: she hated me for "forcing" her to move Christmas to the 15th.


Yup, you guessed it (I sure didn't): they"had" to move Christmas to the 15th because I had "forced" them to.


I didn't fu**ing "force" anything: I didn't want Christmas with them. I was sick of the pretense of being a loving family. I had a loving family. My Family of Origin  had nothing to offer except each other... and their hatred. But that didn't jibe with the image of a loving family, so they moved Christmas to the 15th!


After being very confused (and repulsed) by my sister's Evil Face (confusion is a normal reaction around the Perfectly Evil -- M. Scott Peck) I made small talk. Our mother was late -- very late. I was actually worried about her.


Hah!


When she did arrive it was almost comical. She had on a long black coat -- almost a cape -- and she roared into the room in an absolute towering rage. She spun around in the room -- enraged -- and I asked, "Why were you late? You kept everyone waiting." Meaning: How rude of you.


"None of your Goddamn business!" Oh, really? I wasn't scared; I was furious. I wanted to spend as little time as possible in the stink of my Evil siblings, and the She-beast just dragged it out.


Ah, that was it. It took me several days to work it out, but she had dragged it out on purpose. She wanted her adult, all-grown-up-children to spend as much time as possible with each other...bonding.


Then, while I was sitting on the couch next to my spouse, wondering, "Have I put in enough time so that I can go now?" my Evil Older Sister pulled out some gifts from behind the chair and started handing them out!


I froze. It was a set-up after all. She handed some to me and my husband, and we just set them on the floor. The other jerks started opening theirs and oohing and ahhing.


You know how you're in the nut house, so you do just enough to appease the crazies? We smiled, but we (by silent mutual consent) refused to open our gifts. This accidentally turned out to be the right thing to do. They grew more and more embarrassed at their faux Christmas, and when we finally said, "Well, it's time to go," they sighed with relief.


We gathered up the gifts and left.


If you're wondering why we didn't pitch a fit and walk out without any presents: I knew (in my heart) I was going to go No Contact with them, and that this was a trial run on how they would handle me not spending a Christmas with them (um, not well). Since I was never going to speak to them again, there was no point in grandstanding. We get up on a box and shout only when we want someone to listen.


I knew they would never listen. Ever. They would never hear me.


I was also breathless at the Evil Face I saw on my sister. It was the real deal...and absolutely shocking.


In summation: They don't want me to spend Christmas with them because they loooove me...they hate me.


They want me to spend Christmas with them because it controls where I am on this day, and they would control all of my days if they could.


So this one Christmas was spun out in their minds as: Well, if we give her this one, she might want another one, and then she'll get ideas. She'll get a taste of freedom, and that's not acceptable at all.


So forget trying to compromise with the Evil Relatives: the Truly Evil are incapable of compromise.


Any loss of control is seen as complete loss of control.

Evil Trait #3: Parents reward the child most like themselves (and punish those that aren't.)

1(800) SUICIDE


Abuse-by-Proxy.


Anonymous (July 29,2009) said, "I've spent my life believing that you can never call someone evil... I know better now... Specifically I would like to hear more about specific traits or common behaviors that identify someone as evil... I think there are identifiable traits..."

Yes, there are identifiable traits. I will do my best to list list them.

But -- as always -- I want feedback. If you have traits you believe identify Evil People, by all means: let me know.

The difference between narcissists and Evil People is that narcissists seem to be unaware of the basic humanity -- the differences -- between themselves and their children. This results in the narcissist trampling all over the child's own likes and dislikes, belief systems, etc. It is willful, but not necessarily premeditated.

With the Evil Parent, it is willful and premeditated.  It arises out of plotting, and planning.

Narcissism is a crime of omission: an unawareness of otherness, and so that otherness gets ignored, set-aside, and walked upon. It is as if they are trying to erase the child.

Evil is a crime of commission. The Evil Parent is acutely aware of the difference of the good child, and they hate it like fire. So they set about punishing the good child (or children), and rewarding the bad children, until they have either destroyed those children, or molded them to their own image.

The Abuse-by-Proxy example: my younger sister was the rotten kid. She would ruin games, pick fights, destroy my property, and later, feign innocence. I would complain to my mother, who would say, "Oh well, you're bigger; I expect more of you."

At the time, (when I was nine, ten or eleven) I assumed this was moral laziness on her part. She knew this daughter was a turd, but didn't want to take the time to straighten out her own child, even though most mothers would welcome a chance to guide their child. I know I need to hear when one of my children has done something bad; that way I can nip it in the bud while it is still fresh in the child's mind.

Reinforcing this "moral laziness" belief was that she knew I was the reasonable one. This bit of insight would also cause her to know that...

a) The wrongdoing probably was my sister's fault and,

b) She could more easily tell me to back off, than my sister.

That was a great theory, even for a ten year old. Heck, it was a great theory for a thirty year old.

When I got older though, and saw the give and take between these two, I realized my mother was much more aware than I thought. She punished the good child (me) by letting the bad child destroy me, bit by bit, day by day, and rewarded the bad child for being much like herself.

My mother was acutely aware, from my earliest memory, that I was good, and therefore "different." I also felt that -- in a general way -- I was "good" as well. I also felt that my mother had a kind of smiling condescension towards this goodness. I was an outsider. There was always -- and I mean always -- a divide between us.

This elegant, simple solution (using one child to punish another child who is not like yourself) is called Abuse-by-Proxy. It fulfills a fundamental need of the Truly Evil: my mother was able to do bad, while looking good. (Evil Trait number two.)

Evil Trait Number 2: Like Marries Like...

Now on to the mother.

Folks: here's the dirty little secret about the mother who married an abusive man: she's exactly the same way. Her goal is to destroy the children, while looking innocent doing it.

The difference is she's female. She's smaller, less physically imposing, not as strong. Yet in any relationship, she's the capo -- the mob boss -- and he's the hit man. She runs the show; he's the leg breaker. She's actually the stronger one in the partnership because he's out of control, while she's exquisitely in control.

Here's her covert-aggressive way of destroying the children.

When she is beaten by him, how often does it happen in front of the children? Women have been known run into a room where children are when a man is ready to beat them, so that they (the children) could witness it. (Later she would tell the police, "I didn't think he would do it in front of the children!" Hey, Lady: it's never a good idea to use children as a shield.)

The real reason was to take a hit (or several) herself, so she could destroy the little ones by having them witness it. Also, men who beat their wives, often beat their kids.

After the husband has spent years pounding the kids into whimpering shells with his explosive behavior, she divorces him -- or sends him to prison -- and then she has them all to herself. He is, after all, the weaker half of this Evil Duo.

As the children become adults and the father's influence gets weaker to (due to time, frailty, and often physical distance) she gets stronger. She starts sabotaging any relationships her adult children might have that cause them to grow up and move away.

She's pleads poverty when they want to go to college or trade school, yet seems to have plenty of money for herself.

She insists the adult children don't move too far away.

She insists that they come back for every single holiday, ruining anyone's plans.

She fakes illnesses, eliciting sympathy.

She insults any sexual partners they bring home.

In short, after the husband has destroyed the children's past, she picks up the baton and destroys their future.

It's an Evil Dance.


Erin Pizzey wrote a marvelous article on this Evil Dance in the following article. The words that spoke to me are:

"They (cruel statements spoken by mothers) were vicious words that I have heard repeated over and over by mothers everywhere. Indeed, when I later opened my refuge for battered women, 62 of the first 100 to come through the door were as abusive as the men they had left."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1215464/Why-I-loathe-feminism---believe-ultimately-destroy-family.html#ixzz0SPryrmSv

Evil Trait Number 1: Doing bad while looking good...

Like marries like, so two parents who look --and act -- different on the surface are actually co-conspirators in an conjoined effort to destroy the children. It's a dance.

Men are more aggressive than women, so the father is aggressive-aggressive, while the mother is covert-aggressive.

My father beat us, used the "Now I'm angry/Now I'm not," posture, and threw things at us. He beat and choked my mother.

I thought she was the innocent one.

Eventually she threw him out of the house, but he still insisted on visitation rights so he could maintain a menacing presence. While he was menacing us at every visit, he also: got us library cards, went to every PTA meeting, and played "catch" with us.

As well as the stories above, he also...

1) Absolutely refused to buy us new clothes or food. My mother was on food stamps (God bless food stamps) until she could get herself on her feet. We wore extremely worn clothes.
2) Gave us birthday presents, and made us open them...at a restaurant!
3) Called us stupid and cuffed us when no one was looking.
4) Presented us with savings bonds for our birthday, made out to his name and ours. After showing it to us (whoopee!) he took them back ("...for safe-keeping,") and we never saw them again.

Have you figured it out yet?
1) PTA meetings: He looked like Father of the Year. The teachers were in awe of him.
2) Library cards: Looked good, to the librarian.
3) Opening the gifts in a restaurant: He wanted total strangers to adore him for what a great father he was. (Ditto "playing catch": it's out in public.)
5) He "presented" us with a "gift" that was impossible to spend, and we never even got that much.

Hitting, name calling, food insecurity (look it up), skinnyness and worn (but clean) clothes were covered up.

He wanted to do bad, while looking good. His entire world was divided into those two acts because he's Evil.

His goal is to destroy the children, while looking good doing it.

Because he's male, his acts of aggression are violent and out-of-control.The father  is usually outed -- in public, in a divorce court -- as someone who is bad for the children. The children are "given" (awarded) to the mother, who stands by looking innocent.

She's not.  She invited the vampire over the threshold in the first place. Out of an entire world filled with nice men, she bred with the demon.

Following the formula that Like marries Like, and he's Evil, then she's Evil as well. 

Following the formula that she-- also -- wants to do bad while looking good, she gets the man to do her dirty work (destroying the children) while she stands by looking frail and victimized. Then, when, through divorce, frailty or frustration with his efforts, he's no longer in the picture, she takes over and becomes the Greater Evil.

It's a dance.  He plays the greater role in destroying the children when they are young, and she takes over and continues to destroy them when they are older.  

Five Stages after going No Contact

1(800) SUICIDE

I went No Contact approximately ten years ago. Your experience may not be like mine, so I would like to hear how it went for you.

The five stages of grief following the pronouncement of impending death are: Denial, rage, bargaining, depression, and -- finally -- acceptance.  You may go through these very stages following cut-off.

Denial: I'm their child: their flesh and blood.  They can't possibly be treating me that badly...can they?
Rage: Why the fck are they treating me so badly?  I don't deserve that.
Bargaining:  If I give you what you say you want -- one more holiday, or choose this career path over that one, or show you that my marriage doesn't mean I am abandoning you -- you'll lighten up...right?
Depression: You're never going to accept me and my decisions, are you?
I really have to cut you completely out of my life in order to save myself, don't I?
Acceptance: self-explanatory.


The five stages following No - Contact (NC) for me are: Rage, Second-guessing, Peace, Sadness for others, Transcendence.

Rage: Self-explanatory. I went through every possible phase of yelling at people who aren't there, bending my husband's ear with, "Don't they know how much time they are wasting?" cursing, taking it out on loved ones; you name it.

Second Guessing: "If I had just said it this way, it might have gotten through,"
"If I had said this, at this time -- right after the incident -- it might have worked,"
"If this..."
"If that..."
Never once did I question going No Contact; everything had reached an impasse. I questioned letting things get that far gone. That was clearly something I could control, since I was the only thinking human being in the room...right? If I could climb into my way-back machine and correct their bad behavior immediately instead of rewarding it by smiling and putting up with it one more time, could I have nipped it in the bud?

Peace: Through all the second-guessing, time passes. And with the passage of time, knowing that I don't have to spend one more Christmas with them, wherein they insult my gifts, or one more holiday, where I am sick to my stomach two weeks ahead of the event, or...well, everything. A type of peace settles over the household.
In between devising ways to screen email and phone calls, and saying "heads up" at places they might gather, there is peace. There are longer and longer stretches of time where there are no demons riding along in my head. One heals in those stretches of time. Much like not picking a scab, it finally heals and falls off, leaving the scar. The peace quells all the second-guessing.

Sadness for others: Once I got over feeling sorry for myself and all the time that was lost, I could finally begin to see -- with mounting horror -- that time is still being lost for them. Buckets-full, barrel-loads of precious time are thrown away by them as they wait, plot and plan to get me back into the fold. They didn't move on with their lives, as I did. They are frozen in time, getting older, but not feeling it, because they think they have forever.
 And I realized they will go to their graves that way.
Their house falls into disrepair, their marriages fail, their children move away, they don't make out any wills or trusts -- not the least being the ones saying where they would like to be buried, or have their ashes scattered.
 Sadness -- and horror -- settles in when I realized how pathetic they are.
I have peace and they have...pettiness.
 It is this realization that brings great sadness.


Transcendence: This is the stage I resented the most.

Cutting them off not only saved my sanity and my soul, it suited my deep-seated need for revenge. Who cares if they suffer and decay? I was their victim, and I suffered. Eye for an eye.
Then I started to realize that abuse is generational.  I know for a fact that my grandparents were abusive to my parents, and I can only assume that the abuse echoed down through the generations.

For whatever reason, I was the firewall.  The abuse stopped with me.

But once you see the ripples within ripples, and if we know an Evil Parent can take an innocent little child, and destroy his sense of normalcy, all the while looking like a pillar of society -- giving that child no where to turn -- don't you think the child (who became my parent) is going to be very, very angry, indeed?

This realization didn't cause me to forgive them -- taking it out on me was unforgivable.  That's why I never go through the "acceptance" stage: I'll never "accept" what they did to me.
But this bit of insight helped me to turn my back on them without so much rage inside.

How do you mourn when they're not dead?

After going No Contact, One Angry Daughter said, "I had to mourn the idea of family and come to terms that my FOO would never fit that ideal."

This is so true. I found that it is no less than mourning a death, except they are still walking around.

They are are a bit like zombies to us. We want No Contact, and we fear running into them at the shopping center or grocery store, because they will tear off chunks of our still living flesh and feed off of it, as they have done so many times before.

I had to come to terms that my Family of Origin would never "fit the ideal." Ever. It's been ten years since I went No Contact, and just when I think my hide has hardened, something -- sometimes the strangest thing -- will make me cry.

You know the movie Dan in Real Life, with Steve Carell? I loved that movie on the surface of it: it was beautifully filmed, it had pitch-perfect casting, and we were supposed to weep when we saw him sleeping single in a double bed because his wife had died, leaving him with three growing daughters.

I never shed a tear over that. And I recognized the standard romantic comedy of falling for your brother's girlfriend. I walked out of the theater having enjoyed it, but I was stiff with grief over something unnamed. I didn't cry until much later, when I was all alone.

I was grieving over the three-generation hierarchy I saw in one lovely old house. The grandparents were wise, loving and funny. They weren't stupid, as so many old people are portrayed in movies. The middle-agers were struggling with marriage, loss, jobs and careers. Also realistic. The kids were just happy to be there, as children should be: care-free. Everyone was different, but they all got along. They were all happy to share what precious time there was.

I watched that knowing that I will never experience it. It will never be mine. Something that I covet will be out of my fingertips' reach, through no fault of my own. But rather merely...circumstance.

I was unlucky enough to be born amid a den of freaks.

My grandparents were dead before, or shortly after, I was born. So that generation is lost.

My parents are freaks, so that generation is "lost."

My four siblings are awful, so that generation is not an option.

Do you see where I'm heading? I could never be the child in the three-generation family: it's gone forever.

I can't be the middle-agers, because although my children are delightful, my parents and siblings are horrible. This scenario is slipping away with the passing of time.

Ah. There is a slender hope: I can be the grandparent, along with my delightful husband. If we play our cards right, and assuming (and they are free to do as they wish) my children want children themselves, we can maybe -- just maybe -- be the loving, wise, and funny grandparents in Dan in Real Life.

I treat my children with respect (and much love), so that they will want to come visit me at my house after they are independent and on their own. I treat my husband with respect (and much love) so that we may remain vibrant in our old age.

And maybe -- just maybe -- I can have the three loving, caring generations under one roof that I so covet, and cried over.

The Evil will always work against their own best interest.

It's true.


If we make Hitler, "The Patron Saint of Evil," think about how he ended up: Shooting himself and his mistress in the bunker. His Third Reich (The Third Empire) was supposed to last a thousand years and rule the entire world.

It lasted less than twelve. His war machine was broken and penniless by the many bizarre decisions he made.


His own people killed Mussolini, buried him, dug him up, hung him by his boot-heels and shot his corpse full of holes, along with his mistress.


Hirohito lived to a ripe old age, but he lived long enough to know that his people were told, "He is not a God, he's only a man." What do you think that did to his overripe ego?

Gaddafi, (of Libya) who had billions of American dollars stashed in overseas accounts waited until the very last second to run; he was captured and killed by his own people on the way out of town.

These Evil Parents divide their children into the Golden Child and the Scapegoat. They stunt the growth of the Golden Child and treat the Scapegoats like dirt.  The Scapegoats escape, and grow into capable, whole adults. The Goldens, by contrast, are unable to care for themselves, let alone anyone else.

Too late, the parents realize that. 

My mother did that. Whoever will take care of her? With five children, four of whom worship her and one who despises her (me) guess who she fixated on to take care of her in her old age? Yup: me.

My siblings are Evil, or control-freaks, or just plain seriously f**ked up, and she's Evil.  They have to get together for every freakin' holiday up to and including Groundhog Day so that they can vibrate to the same Evil emanations. So you'd think she'd want to spend her rotten old age with one of them.

But nooo. She wants me to take care of her.

Me. Someone who can't stand to be around her, who tried to escape her Crap-taculars so I could lead a normal life, someone who went no contact just to get away from the ghasty holidays where I had to force a smile on my face and pretend I liked their stink. Actually, I felt dirty afterwards, like I'd f**ked a corpse.

During the very last conversation I had with her, I said, in these exact words, "I wouldn't spend one hour of my precious time, or one dime of my hard-earned money, taking care of your worthless carcass."

Do you think she got mad? Yelled at me? Picked a fight, in any way, shape or form? No...

She blinked. That was it. File not found. She searched in her memory banks and said to herself, "No. I am lovable. It is inconceivable that someone wouldn't love me. Therefore I will erase the tape of what I just heard." And just like that, she did. (Think also of Hitler, Hirohito, et al, right here. They also believed the masses adored them.)

She waited until the conversation went back to "normal," and then proceeded as if nothing happened; which, in a sense, it did. If she decided nothing happened, then, by God, nothing happened.

One of the many reasons I went No Contact with her was so that she would make other plans for her old age. I am Plan A.

There is no Plan B.

Now, ten years on, with no contact whatsoever, I still get the feeling she is waiting for me to "come around." It sends shivers down my spine.

She saves no money, she treats her other children like dirt, thinking it will draw them closer (which it does) and she makes no plans for her eventual decline. She is eighty, and can't see past the end of her own nose.

The Evil always work against their own best interest.

Most Important Parable.

1(800) SUICIDE






The most important parable you could ever memorize for -- not understanding -- but dealing with, evil people.

A young woman was walking down the street, pulling her jacket tighter about herself as protection against the snow.
Suddenly she saw a snake. She was so startled she stopped. He looked weak, and half frozen. He spoke to her.
"If you give me a lift in your coat, it will get me much warmer, and I won't perish out here in the snow."
The woman pulled her coat even tighter about herself .
"But if I do that, you will bite me, and I will die."
"Why would I do that?" asked the snake. "If I bit you, and you died, then we would both die, because I cannot take the cold."
The woman was repulsed, but she felt she couldn't argue with the logic. And besides, she felt sorry for the snake. So she lifted him up and placed him underneath her jacket, next to her throat, and continued on her way.
After she had walked a city block, she felt a sharp pain in her throat, and reached up to feel blood there. She slid to the ground and fell over, feeling her life slip away. Through blurry eyes, she saw the snake uncoil and crawl into the snow.
"But now we will both die!" said the woman. "Why did you do that?"
"I couldn't help it," said the snake, "it is my nature." And he slithered off to die in the snow.


The Evil will always work against their own best interests.

I know you don't believe this, but it's true. It's a movie affectation that The Evil are greedy and money-grubbing, that they want the best houses, the prettiest, most-handsome spouses, and all that life has to offer.
The Evil value controlling others. They will take you down at all costs. All costs. This consumes them so much that they don't pursue other, normal, interests.

They are a Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist Narcissist

My Book.

"A Primer on Evil" by me: T!
I am so far underground, my FOO will never find me.
Available on Amazon.com and other online retailers. ISBN: 1436353572.
A brief, smoking-hot 72 pages -- because Evil People are not deep!

My father: An Introduction.

My Father: An Introduction.

"A Primer on Evil," by me: T! ISBN: 1436353572. Available through Amazon.com and other online retailers. 72 pages, because Evil People are not deep!

Hi Everyone!

I created this site to give everyone a place to talk about Evil .

This is not the place to talk about the Great Dictators or the Criminal Masterminds. When was the last time any of these affected you?

No, this is the place to write about all the Evil People you personally know. I wrote my book (A Primer on Evil) and created this website to:

a) List all those traits Evil People have in common.

b) Help you categorize and label them, and,

c) Help you name Evil.

Remember:

To name something is to gain power over it.

Rules for posting:

 Be artful. By nature, I like that which is both beautiful (expresses an idea well) and functional (nails it, giving readers the tools to discern).

Many people, suffering the unacceptable behavior of those around them, are searching on the internet and gravitating to those terms that resonate with them.

That's fine. On my website, I parse it this way:

Narcissist: A character disorder, brought on by an unfortunate childhood. Not fixable, as the narcissist thinks they are practically perfect in every way, and feels no need to visit a psychiatrist.

Sociopath: Believe it or not, many educated and intelligent people are looking for a genetic link. I strongly believe sociopaths are raised, not born.  Nurture, not nature. The best definition I have heard is: they are empty behind the eyes; they have no soul.  

Evil: A choice. Period. Full stop.

1) The Evil Person has clearly made a choice to violate you.

2) The Evil Person is fully aware of his actions, and goes to great lengths to hide it (from others).

3) Unlike the narcissist, who seems to be unaware of the fundamental humanity of his victim, and therefore crosses normal boundaries accidentally as often as not, the Evil Person is fully aware of your humanity, and hates it with every fiber of his being.

I fear that many people have both a natural revulsion -- and great sadness -- to naming those to whom they are closely related, as Evil. So let's get right down to it:

What is Evil, anyway?

The essence of Evil is the deep-seated need to trap, and control, others.

The Evil abdicate their responsibility to think, to feel, to care about anyone but themselves. All discipline is thrown out the window, and they no longer reign themselves in. *

*They do this for one simple elegant reason: to get their own way.

What are their traits?

The two dominant traits of the Truly Evil are self-righteousness, and self-pity.*

*All their actions are justified, and they -- the Evil -- are the true victims.

In my case, (I thought) my father was the greater Evil amongst the people I was born into, (I don't call them my family, as I am happily married now, and my spouse and children are my family).

Like marries like, so my mother was also evil.  Because their children were raised by two control-freaks, isolated from relatives who might have provided balance, my siblings grew up jostling for control, amongst themselves and over others (one sister became a manager so she could destroy the lives of those under her).

My father expressed (to me) almost all the traits of an abusive husband towards his wife.  Here's one:

1) He didn't care whether I was feeling "up" or "down," so long as he put me there. This is the thing I will never forgive him for.  

When I was a child, I was naturally enthusiastic. I loved life. So one day when I was happy and he said to me, "Get off your high horse," or some such. Since he was violently abusive, and I didn't want to get him angry, I thought (child that I was) he will be calmer if I bring myself down a notch, the next time I see him.

In other words, if I can control my behavior, I can control his. (Doesn't this sound like the futile endless loop of a beaten housewife?)

So, on another day, when I was "up" and happy, and forced to see him (my parents were divorced) I rearranged my mood, my posture etc. to bring myself down. (I was nine years old! I shouldn't have to do this!) It was all an attempt to get him to not explode with some violent outburst. I was scared and tired of his outbursts. I thought it would work.

He said, upon seeing my mood, "Hey, buck up. It's not so bad."

What the f**k! How did he know? He never asked me what was going on in my life. He didn't care enough. And the "it" -- of which he spoke -- was him! "It" is bad, because the "it" is you, you f**king freak!