But…I’m a nice person!
Evil preys more easily upon a person’s virtues than his vices.
Think about it: I absolutely loathe the saying, “You can’t cheat an honest man.” Of course you can. Crooks (for the most part) can’t cheat other crooks. Crooked people are paranoid, and therefore almost always on the lookout for anyone taking advantage of them. Why wouldn’t they be on the alert? They (the crooks) are always on the take, so they assume everyone else is. “Everyone else is out to get a piece of the action,” is their thinking.
But good people aren’t. We are good, so our default mode is always to think the best of someone.
When they screw us over, we think it was an accident.
When we work up the courage to confront them about it, we believe their lies (too numerous to list here).
When we finally come to the realization that they screwed us over on purpose, we forgive, because...
• We don’t want to believe the worst.
• We don’t want to be “like them.”
• We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.
• We are morally lazy.
Let’s address these points, one by one:
1) We don’t want to believe the worst.
Believe it. Evil is real...and it is everywhere. Life would be so much better if I could get good people to believe Evil exists. That is the first step in eradicating it.
2) We don’t want to be “like them.”
Calling someone out on their evil behavior -- getting right up in their face and saying, “You WILL NOT treat me that way, anymore!”-- is not being, "like them."
They treated you badly when you were innocent of anything. They did it just because they felt like it. You didn’t provoke them: they blamed you after you confronted them. A post hoc rationalization that doesn’t fit the facts.
3) We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.
Magical thinking. It just lets them know what a sucker you are, and eggs them on. Red flag to a bull.
4) We are morally lazy.
It takes effort to finally -- after weighing all the facts -- decide that someone is “Evil.” They are not old, or tired, or senile, or forgetful, or mentally ill or high, or just don’t know any better. The Evil act (or usually, “acts”) is willful, premeditated, and vengeful.
And that’s just the first step. After deciding they are Evil, well…now you have to act on it. You can confront them (a waste of time) or get them out of your life (the best of all possible worlds).
Remember: the enemy knows you have a tendency to forgive: they’re counting on that.
What a true post. You've said it very well, indeed. I need to remember this, and not just think some of the evil things I have endured were part of my imagination. It's just that some things are so, horribly awful that it can be hard to wrap my mind around it. Great post.
ReplyDeleteMy husband thinks that my mother is not bright, but I am emotionally punished with her put downs when I don't have the same point of view or make a decision that she likes. When I said "no" two times to my mother and sisters, I was threatend. My very Narcissist older sister has been in my Mother's Narcissist Web the past five years (Golden Child). My mother declared that she doesn't know what I was calling a "put down" or a "dig" at seventy years old, but she can deliver them and I have repeated her exact words back to her. My mother asked to reconcile with "nice pleasant conversation" (meaning I can't disagree with her) and have a therapist present (so she can find me "crazy"). My mother wants to be able to say anything she wants to say to me and my very Narcissist sister "doesn't want to walk on eggshells". They sent me the riot act e-mail in 2007 and my husband said "no past" and "no apologies" meaning well, but it erased their accountability. My very Narcissist sister will never apologize for anything (sounds like possible wrongdoing to me) since I never asked for a formal apology, but I am holding out for accountability. My very Narcissist sister is very emotionally damaged by my unemotional cold mother (I clung to my enabling father growing up and I have issues but I am more normal, he died sixteen years ago). I used to think that my very Narcissist sister was causing this trouble because of her mental problems, but one has to plan thoughts in writing an e-mail (two which have guilt, blame and emotional blackmail in them).
ReplyDeleteEvil does exist and it walks the earth.
ReplyDelete