Ta-Dah! My New Book -- "How to Leave Your Family of Origin."

How to Leave Your Family of Origin.

As promised, under (self-imposed) deadline.  200 + pages, lots of large print, graphics and flow charts. (You'll see why if you buy it -- apparently I "think" in PowerPoint.)



 Please post your stories (and replies) on a new site: http://evilpeopleiknow.com/

Read the home page, then click, "Message Board" in the upper left corner, and post any message.



Chapter headings:


Chapter 1: Who to cut off.


Chapter 2: Why would you cut them off?


Chapter 3: How to cut them off.


Chapter 4: What to expect after cut-off.


Chapter 5: Where will everybody end up?


Chapter 6: When they die.


I apologize beforehand for the (breathtakingly) high price.  It costs $27.80 on Amazon.com for a paperback.  They (CreatSpace -- Amazon's self-publishing site) tell you that you can adjust the price.  What they don't tell you (until after you published) is that their base price will be very high for graphs and colors. (Sigh.)


I am working to put out an e-version, but the transfer of graphs (and colors) is complicated. 


Please let me know what you think!

What I'm Doing Lately...

Hi, Everyone!

I have not lost interest in this blog; rather, I'm on fire writing a new book about cutting family ties.

It takes me about a year to organize, illustrate and publish, so I have a tentative publish date for summer of 2011.

The pain on these pages was enough to move me to write a How -to manual.

Thank you for your patience...

And here are some words of wisdom to get you through the Holidays:

Stop eating their sh!! and asking for seconds!


Just...effing...stop.

Now.

1 (800) 442-HOPE (4673)

A "warm-line," (as opposed to a hot-line,) for people who are not suicidal, but want someone to talk to....

But…I’m a nice person!

Evil preys more easily upon a person’s virtues than his vices.

Think about it: I absolutely loathe the saying, “You can’t cheat an honest man.” Of course you can. Crooks (for the most part) can’t cheat other crooks. Crooked people are paranoid, and therefore almost always on the lookout for anyone taking advantage of them. Why wouldn’t they be on the alert? They (the crooks) are always on the take, so they assume everyone else is. “Everyone else is out to get a piece of the action.”

But good people aren’t. We are good, so our default mode is always to think the best of someone.

When they screw us over, we think it was an accident.

When we work up the courage to confront them about it, we believe their lies (too numerous to list here.)

When we finally come to the realization that they screwed us over on purpose, we forgive, because...

• We don’t want to believe the worst.
• We don’t want to be “like them.”
• We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.
• We are morally lazy.

Let’s address these points, one by one:

1) We don’t want to believe the worst.
Believe it. You know how Disney spends an enormous amount of time, effort and money trying to get us to believe in magic, princesses, fairy dust…you name it? Life would be so much better if I could get good people to believe Evil is real. It exists. That is the first step in eradicating it.

2) We don’t want to be “like them.”
Are you kidding me? On some level, you have to be kidding. How in the world is calling someone on their evil behavior -- getting right up in their grill and saying, “You WILL NOT treat me that way, anymore!”-- being like them?
Look: they treated you badly when you were innocent of anything. They did it just because they felt like it. You didn’t provoke them: they blamed you after you confronted them. A post hoc rationalization that doesn’t fit the facts.

3) We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.
Magical thinking. It just lets them know what a sucker you are, and eggs them on. Red flag to a bull.

4) We are morally lazy.
It takes effort to finally -- after weighing all the facts -- decide that someone is “Evil.” They are not old, or tired, or senile, or forgetful, or mentally ill or high, or just don’t know any better. The act (or usually, “acts”) is willful, premeditated, and vengeful.

And that’s just the first step. After deciding they are Evil, well…now you have to act on it! You have to confront them (a waste of time) or leave them, (the best of all possible worlds.)
Remember: the enemy knows you have a tendency to forgive: they’re counting on that.

A difference between a narcissist, and an Evil Person (#2)

"A Narcissist has a hostile reaction to attention and credit given others."

My Evil Family of Origin (FOO) is utterly indifferent to the achievements of others. It wasn't a feigned indifference: you can't fake that. It always looks a little forced.

Real indifference is unmistakable. Rather, they simply had no stake whatsoever in the accomplishments, skills, or goals of others.

I think this is what caused so many of their friends to fade away.

My FOO is attractive and well-educated. People are drawn to them. But the situation for their friends was such that, after years of getting just a little attention for getting married, having kids or getting that job promotion -- things that get a normal, positive reaction from others, but not from my relatives -- their friends just drift away. And the FOO makes no attempt to follow up, write, or visit.

Their lives were utterly circumscribed by their needs, and the need to control anyone they see as a patsy.

A difference between a narcissist, and an Evil Person (#1)

"Narcissists can't stand to live alone."


http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/

I don't know. All I know is Evil people can't stand to live with someone.

Evil Parents separate and get divorced. They don't remarry. My siblings had roommates for awhile, and they just couldn't get along, so they all moved out on their own, even though the expense really stretched their wallets.

Heck; I didn't like roommates either, but I got along. You have to: it's a part of life.

Now that they are all successful in their careers (and can afford not to have roommates,) they could get married. Yet are all unmarried. All four of my siblings. Not married; never were. No kids either (thank God!)

"Ode to Life"... by me.

Dial 1(800) SUICIDE, any time of the day or night, if you feel the need.

Ode to Life!

I absolve myself for hurting those who seek to harm me,
for offending those who give offense,
for pushing those who shove,
for moving away from those who are unable to get close.

Evil Trait Number 4: Any loss of control is seen as a complete loss of control, or: Never give an inch...

After spending every single Christmas with the freakazoids -- well into adulthood -- I wanted one Christmas with my family.

One.

I didn't ask them -- I'm not a supplicant. I told them. I could hear the frosty reception, but I couldn't even guess at what came next.

My OS (older sister) called, and said our brother was going out of town for Christmas...could I come for a "going away" party? It was on December 15...I said sure.

When my spouse and I got there, we placed our gifts for the freak family on the floor, in an open space, and I noticed that their gifts to us were shoved behind a chair. So much for grabbing them and stuffing them in the car for a hasty getaway. We didn't want the gifts; we wanted the hasty getaway.

I tried to make small talk with OS, and she gave me a look that froze me to my bones: it was the most slanted-eye, pinched-lip, Evil Face I have ever seen. It took my breath away. It took me years to figure it out, and here it is: she hated me for forcing her to move Christmas to the 15th.

Yup, you guessed it (I sure didn't): they"had" to move Christmas to the 15th because I had "forced" them to.

I didn't fu**ing "force" anything: I didn't want Christmas with them. I was sick of the pretense of being a loving family. I had a loving family. They had nothing except each other and their hate. But that didn't jibe with the image of a loving family, so they moved Christmas to the 15th!

After being very confused by my sister's Evil Face (confusion is a normal reaction around the Perfectly Evil -- M. Scott Peck) I made small talk. Our mother was late -- very late. I was actually worried about her.

Hah!

When she did arrive it was almost comical. She had on a long black coat -- almost a cape -- and she roared into the room in an absolute towering rage. She spun around in the room -- enraged -- and I asked, "Why were you late? You kept everyone waiting." Meaning: How rude of you.

"None of your Goddamn business!" Oh, really? I wasn't scared; I was furious. I wanted to spend as little time as possible in the stink of my Evil siblings, and she just dragged it out.

Ah: that was it. It took my several days to work it out, but she had dragged it out on purpose. She wanted her adult, all-grown-up-children to spend as much time as possible with each other. Bonding.

Then, while I was sitting on the couch next to my spouse, wondering, "Have I put in enough time so that I can go now?" my Evil older sister pulled out some gifts from behind the chair and started hading them out!

I froze. It was a set-up, after all. She handed some to me and my husband, and we just set them on the floor. The other jerks started opening theirs and oohing and ahhing.

You know how you're in the crazy house, so you do just enough to appease the crazies? We smiled, but we (by silent mutual consent) refused to open our gifts. This accidentaly turned out to be the right thing to do. They grew more and more embarrassed at their faux Christmas, and when we finally said, "Well, it's time to go," they sighed with relief.

We gathered up the gifts and left.

If you're wondering why we didn't pitch a fit and walk out without any presents: I knew (in my heart) I was going to go No Contact with them, and that this was a trail run on how they would handle me not spending a Christmas with them. Since I was never going to speak to them again, there was no point in grandstanding. We get up on a box and shout only when we want someone to listen.

I knew they would never listen. Ever. They would never hear me.

I was also breathless at the Evil Face I saw on my sister. It's one thing to say, "Well, she's just Evil!" and stomp your little foot. It's quite another to say it, stomp your foot, and the devil appears. It was absolutely shocking. It was the flip-side equivalent to saying, "Oh, my God!" ...and God appears!

In summation: They don't want me to spend Christmas with them because they loooove me: they hate me.

They want me to spend Christmas with them because it controls where I am on this day. They would control all my days if they could.

So this one Christmas was spun out in their minds as: Well, if we give her this one, she might want another one, and then she'll get ideas. She'll get a taste of freedom, and that's not acceptable at all!

So forget trying to compromise with the Evil Relatives: the Truly Evil are incapable of compromise.

Any loss of control is seen as complete loss of control.