Evil Trait #4: Any Loss of Control is Seen as Complete Loss of Control, or: 
Never give an Inch...

 
After spending every single Christmas with the my freak Family of Origin -- well into adulthood -- I wanted one Christmas with my family.

One.

I didn't ask them; I'm not a supplicant. I told them. I could hear the frosty reception, but I couldn't even guess at what came next.


My older sister called, and said our brother was going out of town for Christmas...could I come for a "going away" party? It was on December 15. I said, "Sure."


When my spouse and I got there, we placed our gifts for the freak family on the floor, in an open space, and I noticed that their gifts to us were shoved behind a chair. So much for grabbing them and stuffing them in the car for a hasty getaway. We didn't want the gifts; we wanted the hasty getaway.


I tried to make small talk with Older Sister, and she gave me a look that froze me to my bones: it was the most slanted-eye, pinched-lip, Evil Face I have ever seen. It took my breath away. It took me years to figure it out, and here it is: she hated me for "forcing" her to move Christmas to the 15th.


Yup, you guessed it (I sure didn't): they"had" to move Christmas to the 15th because I had "forced" them to.


I didn't fu**ing "force" anything: I didn't want Christmas with them. I was sick of the pretense of being a loving family. I had a loving family. My Family of Origin  had nothing to offer except each other... and their hatred. But that didn't jibe with the image of a loving family, so they moved Christmas to the 15th!


After being very confused (and repulsed) by my sister's Evil Face (confusion is a normal reaction around the Perfectly Evil -- M. Scott Peck) I made small talk. Our mother was late -- very late. I was actually worried about her.


Hah!


When she did arrive it was almost comical. She had on a long black coat -- almost a cape -- and she roared into the room in an absolute towering rage. She spun around in the room -- enraged -- and I asked, "Why were you late? You kept everyone waiting." Meaning: How rude of you.


"None of your Goddamn business!" Oh, really? I wasn't scared; I was furious. I wanted to spend as little time as possible in the stink of my Evil siblings, and the She-beast just dragged it out.


Ah, that was it. It took me several days to work it out, but she had dragged it out on purpose. She wanted her adult, all-grown-up-children to spend as much time as possible with each other...bonding.


Then, while I was sitting on the couch next to my spouse, wondering, "Have I put in enough time so that I can go now?" my Evil Older Sister pulled out some gifts from behind the chair and started handing them out!


I froze. It was a set-up after all. She handed some to me and my husband, and we just set them on the floor. The other jerks started opening theirs and oohing and ahhing.


You know how you're in the nut house, so you do just enough to appease the crazies? We smiled, but we (by silent mutual consent) refused to open our gifts. This accidentally turned out to be the right thing to do. They grew more and more embarrassed at their faux Christmas, and when we finally said, "Well, it's time to go," they sighed with relief.


We gathered up the gifts and left.


If you're wondering why we didn't pitch a fit and walk out without any presents: I knew (in my heart) I was going to go No Contact with them, and that this was a trial run on how they would handle me not spending a Christmas with them (um, not well). Since I was never going to speak to them again, there was no point in grandstanding. We get up on a box and shout only when we want someone to listen.


I knew they would never listen. Ever. They would never hear me.


I was also breathless at the Evil Face I saw on my sister. It was the real deal...and absolutely shocking.


In summation: They don't want me to spend Christmas with them because they loooove me...they hate me.


They want me to spend Christmas with them because it controls where I am on this day, and they would control all of my days if they could.


So this one Christmas was spun out in their minds as: Well, if we give her this one, she might want another one, and then she'll get ideas. She'll get a taste of freedom, and that's not acceptable at all.


So forget trying to compromise with the Evil Relatives: the Truly Evil are incapable of compromise.


Any loss of control is seen as complete loss of control.