Evil Trait #3: Parents reward the child most like themselves (and punish those that aren't.)

1(800) SUICIDE


Abuse-by-Proxy.


Anonymous (July 29,2009) said, "I've spent my life believing that you can never call someone evil... I know better now... Specifically I would like to hear more about specific traits or common behaviors that identify someone as evil... I think there are identifiable traits..."

Yes, there are identifiable traits. I will do my best to list list them.

But -- as always -- I want feedback. If you have traits you believe identify Evil People, by all means: let me know.

The difference between narcissists and Evil People is that narcissists seem to be unaware of the basic humanity -- the differences -- between themselves and their children. This results in the narcissist trampling all over the child's own likes and dislikes, belief systems, etc. It is willful, but not necessarily premeditated.

With the Evil Parent, it is willful and premeditated.  It arises out of plotting, and planning.

Narcissism is a crime of omission: an unawareness of otherness, and so that otherness gets ignored, set-aside, and walked upon. It is as if they are trying to erase the child.

Evil is a crime of commission. The Evil Parent is acutely aware of the difference of the good child, and they hate it like fire. So they set about punishing the good child (or children), and rewarding the bad children, until they have either destroyed those children, or molded them to their own image.

The Abuse-by-Proxy example: my younger sister was the rotten kid. She would ruin games, pick fights, destroy my property, and later, feign innocence. I would complain to my mother, who would say, "Oh well, you're bigger; I expect more of you."

At the time, (when I was nine, ten or eleven) I assumed this was moral laziness on her part. She knew this daughter was a turd, but didn't want to take the time to straighten out her own child, even though most mothers would welcome a chance to guide their child. I know I need to hear when one of my children has done something bad; that way I can nip it in the bud while it is still fresh in the child's mind.

Reinforcing this "moral laziness" belief was that she knew I was the reasonable one. This bit of insight would also cause her to know that...

a) The wrongdoing probably was my sister's fault and,

b) She could more easily tell me to back off, than my sister.

That was a great theory, even for a ten year old. Heck, it was a great theory for a thirty year old.

When I got older though, and saw the give and take between these two, I realized my mother was much more aware than I thought. She punished the good child (me) by letting the bad child destroy me, bit by bit, day by day, and rewarded the bad child for being much like herself.

My mother was acutely aware, from my earliest memory, that I was good, and therefore "different." I also felt that -- in a general way -- I was "good" as well. I also felt that my mother had a kind of smiling condescension towards this goodness. I was an outsider. There was always -- and I mean always -- a divide between us.

This elegant, simple solution (using one child to punish another child who is not like yourself) is called Abuse-by-Proxy. It fulfills a fundamental need of the Truly Evil: my mother was able to do bad, while looking good. (Evil Trait number two.)