tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68011581456930437882024-02-06T21:12:21.527-08:00Evil People I KnowT.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-66339732762701054932013-10-20T23:12:00.001-07:002013-10-20T23:23:20.997-07:00My Entire Life was Choreographed…<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<style><!--
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Times;}
h1
{mso-style-next:Normal;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
page-break-after:avoid;
mso-outline-level:1;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Times;
color:blue;
mso-font-kerning:0pt;}
p.MsoBodyTextIndent, li.MsoBodyTextIndent, div.MsoBodyTextIndent
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Times;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
</style>
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><b>My Entire Life was Choreographed…</b></span></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">(and that just sucks that I was never free...) </span></span><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Truism:</span>
People will reenact -- <b>from a position of power</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> -- whatever drama, or trauma, they suffered as a child…</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="left" class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My mother's childhood:</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Fact: </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My grandfather (my mother’s father) isolated my mother (and her four siblings)
from people who might have helped her. Then, he beat and terrorized her (and her siblings). He
wasn’t a good provider.
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Her</i>
mother (my grandmother), stood by and didn’t protect her, or her siblings. Instead, my grandmother disappeared
into the Bible, and the supernatural. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So,
this was my mother’s childhood, in a nutshell.</span></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She
was a young adult in the 1950s.
She had a decision to make; the choice to take <i>one</i> -- of two -- routes, in life. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><u>Door number one</u>: She could go to a psychiatrist who could help her process her abusive childhood
by repeating, “I…was…<i>innocent</i>! <i>I
didn’t deserve that treatment</i>, and I will <i>not</i> visit it upon my children!”</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(Instead,
she took...) <u>door number two</u>: In
order to relieve her unresolved anxiety over her abusive childhood, she spent <i>years (</i>decades<i>)</i> planning how to <i>reenact</i> it, on us.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My
mother was attractive, and college educated (at a time when women only went to
college to get their MRS degree.) She could have married <i>anybody</i>.She had her pick of the litter.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Instead,
she married a man (my father) who abused her <i>before</i> marriage, got her pregnant (yes, she had consensual sex; I know), and helped her get a back-alley abortion. She became infected, and very, very ill.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When
she recovered, she married my father…<i>and had five children by him.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Here’s
the reenactment:</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">He beat and choked her, </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">He beat and terrorized us, </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">She didn’t protect us, </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">He wasn’t a good provider. </span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This
served <b><i>three</i></b> purposes: </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">#1. He beat and terrorized us, which
relieved her unresolved anxiety over her own childhood. She knew we were innocent, so this was <i>proof</i> that <b><i>she</i></b> must have been innocent.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">#2. It gave her a kind of cheap
nobility. By the mere act of
standing next to him, she looked innocent (she wasn't: she was the puppet-master). But she could <i>appear</i> pure as the driven snow, when in fact, it was...</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">#3. ...<b><i><span style="color: blue;">abuse-by-proxy</span></i></b>. He did her dirty work. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Now here's the proof that she wasn't so pure: <i>If</i> she was the innocent party in all of this, then -- if by chance -- one of her children escaped the abuse and <i>rose above it</i>, achieving a good, decent life, she would be overjoyed, wishing this child the greatest of success and happiness.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Um, that's not what happened.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I (out of my four siblings) am the only one of her five children who escaped her event horizon, and married a good man and live a good life.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She hates my guts, and is constantly -- unceasingly -- scheming to suck me back into the evil that is her life. To set my feet onto the desolation that was to be my chosen path (chosen by her). </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-7754101521532158472013-04-16T23:07:00.000-07:002013-04-30T21:43:04.461-07:00Golden Child vs. Scapegoat: Illustrated.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv18dot86kYnLb8Jf8u13iPbMIyPTm4yK-5ePjACkJXvYNiHRAlYz9qFYQEUtmPQzEX5h5nehY631Ef6TGjwvnonOYHFffba5CPYps-ImSmNhLDFHIvrBqHr40O-BQ7_QZKWFFLKsxykc/s1600/Slide5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv18dot86kYnLb8Jf8u13iPbMIyPTm4yK-5ePjACkJXvYNiHRAlYz9qFYQEUtmPQzEX5h5nehY631Ef6TGjwvnonOYHFffba5CPYps-ImSmNhLDFHIvrBqHr40O-BQ7_QZKWFFLKsxykc/s640/Slide5.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I used to be an illustrator, and I love charts, so I decided to chart this.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBwA8q8kwNT0HaRspVRsu8yTFNoMU-dankB-6T3MAuk6xE_aYsHOOCTQOd8KDLqm_TJ_Cij3HmFO-7zfoY_G26dx5kqNifxbV-ypdHMSTCN8NVZ6-lrf-x4nKa80PtKQgarpmJy23HgkM/s1600/Slide6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBwA8q8kwNT0HaRspVRsu8yTFNoMU-dankB-6T3MAuk6xE_aYsHOOCTQOd8KDLqm_TJ_Cij3HmFO-7zfoY_G26dx5kqNifxbV-ypdHMSTCN8NVZ6-lrf-x4nKa80PtKQgarpmJy23HgkM/s640/Slide6.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlMg8hM9Hv8ZfKEHhfgCLM2vol6ltdXzCElGfxS_9BxLdXnIqUuin8BonV3y4ToD5en4vXIIAkqnew-EomU7QC7jU5i5DUAhgYXYwe5CD67ikCJxg8qsjGfMqh22LZ-I-pKe6SA3dJits/s1600/Slide7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlMg8hM9Hv8ZfKEHhfgCLM2vol6ltdXzCElGfxS_9BxLdXnIqUuin8BonV3y4ToD5en4vXIIAkqnew-EomU7QC7jU5i5DUAhgYXYwe5CD67ikCJxg8qsjGfMqh22LZ-I-pKe6SA3dJits/s640/Slide7.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdiL8v0UZxZL8QSDcWk3ZapME4kzwENfTGPfXp8bxbMvKu7oNoyRIOq2cSlVzuJp8adFiN9Xn6j2yiSwmdewyiT1NJq46-3EvRm712rb0lcEzjVhaMzlBVKL5XK_7Qq2non2gRCk4VJvs/s1600/Slide8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdiL8v0UZxZL8QSDcWk3ZapME4kzwENfTGPfXp8bxbMvKu7oNoyRIOq2cSlVzuJp8adFiN9Xn6j2yiSwmdewyiT1NJq46-3EvRm712rb0lcEzjVhaMzlBVKL5XK_7Qq2non2gRCk4VJvs/s640/Slide8.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit_jVt0Ev25OtsCX6dD-8mnHCA0uH0XySEBwPQK8gn2_SI-q-UcqdLb_Fp8mt7PxAj_7BxPG-RV8rF6GGQZBT2Np_p_tE22ZZScpQnz_8pPjhLhJV5SB6BWK8u_vc_-5zf3MUpdSPwvqk/s1600/Slide9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit_jVt0Ev25OtsCX6dD-8mnHCA0uH0XySEBwPQK8gn2_SI-q-UcqdLb_Fp8mt7PxAj_7BxPG-RV8rF6GGQZBT2Np_p_tE22ZZScpQnz_8pPjhLhJV5SB6BWK8u_vc_-5zf3MUpdSPwvqk/s640/Slide9.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDyTQVS_NQgkd_Gjn1qg6quP1pEZWZ6t6LGczpI7nC1Mc3LNZLLNIlsPWxUPXN2MfFqpmW3vLfgqtH4tqBGfpULLfctrXjfIImpD972jvULWd5W9my90-I1DGY2kLZqWdNOxV1fajcfwM/s1600/Sample.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDyTQVS_NQgkd_Gjn1qg6quP1pEZWZ6t6LGczpI7nC1Mc3LNZLLNIlsPWxUPXN2MfFqpmW3vLfgqtH4tqBGfpULLfctrXjfIImpD972jvULWd5W9my90-I1DGY2kLZqWdNOxV1fajcfwM/s320/Sample.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-32608608785664050832013-03-04T16:52:00.001-08:002013-03-17T01:23:27.080-07:00"I will fight no more, forever." -- Chief Joseph.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Contract Negotiations, or, The <span style="font-size: large;">Evil Parent Knows Exactly Why <span style="font-size: large;">Their Adult Child Cut Them Off...</span></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> If you go to <span style="font-size: large;">a site called, "When the Ties That Bind Unravel," <span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/03/when-the-ties-that-bind-unravel/" target="_blank">(here)</a></span>(NYTimes.com<span style="font-size: large;"><u>)</u></span> you will see hundreds of letters from the cut-off pare<span style="font-size: large;">nt <span style="font-size: large;">crying, "Foul! My child won't te<span style="font-size: large;">ll me what I did wrong. This isn't fair."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>You'll see hundreds more from adult children who made <b>several</b> attempts to tell their Evil/Narcissis<span style="font-size: large;">tic<span style="font-size: large;">(</span>?) parent, "<i>This</i> is what you did wrong. You are still doing it. This is unacceptable. Change, or I will leave for<span style="font-size: large;">ever."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>Then it all follows the same script<span style="font-size: large;">:</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span>The parent refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing, thereby instantly cutting off any chance of...</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">A) An apology, and<span style="font-size: large;">,</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">B) A promise to al<span style="font-size: large;">ter the unacceptable behavior in the future.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>The <span style="font-size: large;">A</span>dult Child leaves, to save their sanity...and their soul.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: large;"></span></span>The parent then runs around sowing chaos and discord among the relatives, cutting off any friendships the Adult <span style="font-size: large;">C</span>hild might dare to have with relatives-in-common, and simultaneously gaining a ready-made audience for all the teeth-gnashing and wailing that <span style="font-size: large;">follows.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: large;"></span></span> <span style="font-size: large;"></span>If the Adult Child felt any tender, tattered bits of love for the estranged parent, all of that is burned to ashes by the parents' final betrayal.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>Here is how the script played ou<span style="font-size: large;">t in my house.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span> Having reached <span style="font-size: large;">a breaking point, at the age of thirty-eight, I went to my mother with an offer.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: large;"></span></span>My mother is an attorney. She specialized in contract law. She understood <i>exactly</i> what was on the table. These were not the exact words<span style="font-size: large;">, but -- much like negotiations in subtler countries such as Japan -- everyone present understood exactly what was being said.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>I said, "You will recognize me as a sovereign entity. You <i>will</i> recognize my hus<span style="font-size: large;">band as my new family.<span style="font-size: large;"> You will follow the rules of basic, human behavior in all interactions with me, and my family."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>"<span style="font-size: large;">If you choose not to do this, then I will walk away<span style="font-size: large;">...</span>forever."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: large;"></span></span>My mother thought about that for less than a second (which is really all it takes) and said, "No. I reject your offer, and here is my counter-offer."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>"I will control-freak you until the day one of us d<span style="font-size: large;">ies. I will control your body, and your mind. I will dictate where<span style="font-size: large;"> your body is on what holiday, and I w<span style="font-size: large;">ill dictate your thoughts as to your siblings, and me."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>"I refuse to recognize your husband as family. I refuse to acknowledge your sov<span style="font-size: large;">ereignity. Your one right and true family is me, and your siblings."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>"You are<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>allowed no other family, ever."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>I thought about that for less than a second (which is really all it takes) and I said, "No. I reject your offer," and I walked away from the table.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Forever.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Contract negotiations are -- quite literally -- as old as mankind. Point, counterpoint, parry and riposte. Nothing was left off the table. Everything, including all small print and addendums, was completely understood by both parties. </span> </span></span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span> </span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></div>
</div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-18636949135647498612011-08-19T00:35:00.000-07:002013-03-02T23:43:10.778-08:00Ta-Dah! My New Book -- "How to Leave Your Family of Origin."<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia6WrzkX_lR_YqvoVCQvhyE8jpb9DgOjTTdhAFesEi0q-YzS2DO5bZdrpHgKv3v75rMXr7RDmBQmJJFPm1z63NPYyWnQIksqDA94b3CXlWg8hlMagW2VOOa9yEvRatUzbZiff6g2FCAbM/s200/LeaveFOOCoverFinal.jpg" width="142" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How to Leave Your Family of Origin.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">As promised, under (self-imposed) deadline. 200 + pages, lots of large print, graphics and flow charts. (You'll see why if you buy it -- apparently I "think" in PowerPoint.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b> <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Please post your stories (and replies) on a new site: <a href="http://evilpeopleiknow.com/">http://evilpeopleiknow.com/</a></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">Read the home page, then click, "Message Board" in the upper left corner, and post any message.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Chapter headings:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 1: <i>Who</i> to cut off.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 2: <i>Why</i> would you cut them off?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 3: <i>How</i> to cut them off.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 4: <i>What</i> to expect after cut-off.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 5: <i>Where</i> will everybody end up?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 6: <i>When</i> they die.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I apologize beforehand for the (breathtakingly) high price. It costs $27.80 on Amazon.com for a paperback. They (CreatSpace -- Amazon's self-publishing site) <i>tell</i> you that you can adjust the price. What they don't tell you (until after you published) is that their base price will be very high for graphs and colors. (Sigh.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am working to put out an e-version, but the transfer of graphs (and colors) is complicated. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Please let me know what you think!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>Update</u>: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">e<span style="font-size: large;">book on Kindle, $9.00:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Leave-Your-Family-Origin-ebook/dp/B007HI7Y34/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1362277630&sr=8-2&keywords=how+to+leave+your+family+of+origin" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Leave-Your-Family-Origin-ebook/dp/B007HI7Y34/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1362277630&sr=8-2&keywords=how+to+leave+your+family+of+origin</a> </span></span> </span></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-59614897169175133662010-08-31T02:24:00.000-07:002010-09-14T01:13:52.238-07:00What I'm Doing Lately...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAnre9sY_3dtlIA8ISadpB7e9t2oPJesApiyZWYkjFMg9WYWMfm8mK3keJ9o-UUgQCKzZHEHxrhvgrvpci6N172fSZNkMsQnCtMp1zT-kXu0RZBxHLYn7Ep4HXYf-33-L2vII-kHvG-Hc/s1600/FRONT+COVER+FOR+BLOG+copy.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAnre9sY_3dtlIA8ISadpB7e9t2oPJesApiyZWYkjFMg9WYWMfm8mK3keJ9o-UUgQCKzZHEHxrhvgrvpci6N172fSZNkMsQnCtMp1zT-kXu0RZBxHLYn7Ep4HXYf-33-L2vII-kHvG-Hc/s320/FRONT+COVER+FOR+BLOG+copy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5511504739799243442" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Hi, Everyone!<br /><br />I have not lost interest in this blog; rather, I'm on fire writing a new book about cutting family ties.<br /><br />It takes me about a year to organize, illustrate and publish, so I have a tentative publish date for summer of 2011.<br /><br />The pain on these pages was enough to move me to write a </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >How -to </span><span style="font-size:130%;">manual.<br /><br />Thank you for your patience...<br /><br />And here are some words of wisdom to get you through the Holidays:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:130%;" >Stop eating their sh!! and asking for seconds!</span><br /><br /><br />Just...effing...stop.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Now.<br /><br /><br /></span></span></span></span>T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-41294017072678862302009-12-17T22:24:00.000-08:002009-12-17T22:27:05.035-08:00<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family: georgia;">1 (800) 442-HOPE (4673)</span></span><br /><br />A "warm-line," (as opposed to a hot-line,) for people who are <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> suicidal, but want someone to talk to....T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-75751596842053016312009-12-09T20:48:00.002-08:002013-02-26T19:05:12.648-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 130%; font-weight: bold;">But…I’m a nice person!</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Evil preys more easily upon a person’s virtues than his vices.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Think about it: I absolutely loathe the saying, “You can’t cheat an honest man.” Of course you can. Crooks (for the most part) can’t cheat other crooks. Crooked people are paranoid, and therefore almost always on the lookout for anyone taking advantage of them. Why wouldn’t they be on the alert? They (the crooks) are always on the take, so they assume everyone else is. “Everyone else is out to get a piece of the action,” is their thinking.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But good people aren’t. We are good, so our default mode is always to think the best of someone.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When they screw us over, we think it was an accident.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When we work up the courage to confront them about it, we believe their lies (too numerous to list here).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When we finally come to the realization that they screwed us over on purpose, we forgive, because...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">• We don’t want to believe the worst.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">• We don’t want to be “like them.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">• We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">• We are morally lazy.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Let’s address these points, one by one:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1) </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">We don’t want to believe the worst.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Believe it. Evil is real...and it is everywhere. Life would be so much better if I could get good people to believe Evil exists. That is the first step in eradicating it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2) </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">We don’t want to be “like them.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">C</span>alling someone out on their evil behavior -- getting right up in their face and saying, “You WILL NOT treat me that way, <i>anymore</i>!”-- is not being, "like them<span style="font-size: large;">.</span>"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">T</span>hey treated you badly when you were innocent of anything. They did it just because they felt like it. You didn’t provoke them: they blamed you after you confronted them. A post hoc rationalization that doesn’t fit the facts.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3) </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">We hope our forgiveness causes them to change.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Magical thinking. It just lets them know what a sucker you are, and eggs them on. Red flag to a bull.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">4) </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">We are morally lazy.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It takes effort to finally -- after weighing all the facts -- decide that someone is “Evil.” They are not old, or tired, or senile, or forgetful, or mentally ill or high, or just don’t know any better. The Evil act (or usually, “acts”) is willful, premeditated, and vengeful.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And that’s just the first step. After deciding they are Evil, well…now you have to act on it. You can confront them (a waste of time) or get them out of your life (the best of all possible worlds).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Remember: the enemy knows you have a tendency to forgive: they’re counting on that.</span></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-7484647218304290952009-08-23T01:50:00.002-07:002013-03-03T00:05:30.326-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: #000099; font-size: large;"><span style="color: black;">A difference between a narcissist, and an Evil Person </span></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: #000099; font-size: large;"><span style="color: black;">(Trait #2) </span></span></span></span></h2>
<br />
<span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: #000099; font-size: large;"> <span style="background-color: white;"></span>"A Narcissist has a hostile reaction to attention and credit given others."</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span> <span style="color: black; font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;">My Evil Family of Origin is utterly indifferent to the achievements of others. It wasn't a feigned indifference<span style="font-size: large;">. Y</span>ou can't fake that<span style="font-size: large;">; i</span>t always looks a little forced.<br />
<br />
Real indifference is unmistakable. Rather, my relativ<span style="font-size: large;">es</span> simply had no stake whatsoever in the accomplishments, skills, or goals of others.<br />
<br />
I think this is what caused so many of their friends to fade away.<br />
<br />
My </span></span><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;">Family of Origin</span></span> is attractive and well-educated. People are drawn to them. But being their friend meant<span style="font-size: large;"> that --</span> after years of getting just a little attention for life's accomplishments -- </span></span><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;">their friends just<span style="font-size: large;">...</span>drift away.</span></span> <span style="font-size: large;">T</span>hings that get a normal, positive reaction from others,</span></span><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #000099;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"> such as getting married, having kids or getting that job promotion</span></span>, received no reaction whatsoever from my relatives. <span style="font-size: large;">After their fr<span style="font-size: large;">ie</span>nds drifted away, my</span> relatives ma<span style="font-size: large;">de</span> no attempt to follow up, write, or visit.<br />
<br />
Their lives were utterly circumscribed by <i>their</i> needs, and the need to control anyone they see as a potential patsy.</span><br />
</span></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-82286530061879391212009-08-23T01:17:00.002-07:002013-03-03T00:11:48.432-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">A difference between a narcissist, and an Evil Person </span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">(Trait #1)</span></h2>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #000099; font-size: large;">"Narcissists can't stand to live alone."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">(N</span>arcissists-suck<span style="font-size: large;">)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't know. All I know is Evil People can't stand to live with someone.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Evil Parents separate and get divorced. They </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">don't</span><span style="font-size: large;"> remarry. My siblings had roommates for a while, and they just couldn't get along, so they all moved out on their own, even though the expense really stretched their wallets.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Heck; I didn't like roommates either, but I </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">got along.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> You have to<span style="font-size: large;">;</span> it's a part of life.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now that they are all successful in their careers (and can afford not to have roommates) they could get married. Yet are all unmarried. All </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">four</span><span style="font-size: large;"> of my siblings. Not married; never were. No kids either (thank God<span style="font-size: large;">.</span>)</span></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-42251659401096087182009-08-11T12:24:00.001-07:002013-03-03T00:10:18.335-08:00"Ode to Life"... by me.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dial 1(800) 442-HOPE (4673) any time of the day or night, if you feel the need.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: times new roman;">Ode to Life!</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I absolve myself for hurting those who seek to harm me,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">for offending those who give offense,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">for pushing those who shove,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">for moving away from those who are unable to get close.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>
</div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-86157943452114582772009-08-05T00:50:00.003-07:002013-03-03T00:29:41.658-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
</h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
</h2>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Evil Trait #4: Any Loss of Control is Seen as Complete Loss of Control, or: </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Never give an Inch...</span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">After spending </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">every single Christmas</span><span style="font-size: large;"> with the <span style="font-size: large;">my freak Family o<span style="font-size: large;">f Ori<span style="font-size: large;">gin</span></span></span> -- well into adulthood -- I wanted one Christmas with my family.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">One.</span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn't </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">ask</span><span style="font-size: large;"> them<span style="font-size: large;">;</span> I'm not a supplicant. I </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">told</span><span style="font-size: large;"> them. I could hear the frosty reception, but I couldn't even guess at what came next.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My older sister called, and said our brother was going out of town for Christmas...could I come for a "going away" party? It was on December 15<span style="font-size: large;">. </span>I said, "<span style="font-size: large;">S</span>ure."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When my spouse and I got there, we placed our gifts for the freak family on the floor, in an open space, and I noticed that their gifts to us were shoved behind a chair. So much for grabbing them and stuffing them in the car for a hasty getaway. We didn't want the gifts; we wanted </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">the hasty getaway.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I tried to make small talk with Older Sister, and she gave me a look that froze me to my bones: it was the most slanted-eye, pinched-lip, Evil Face I have ever seen. It took my breath away. It took me years to figure it out, and here it is: she hated me for "forcing" her to move Christmas to the 15th.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yup, you guessed it (I sure didn't): they"had" to move Christmas to the 15th because I had "forced" them to.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn't fu**ing "force" anything: I didn't want Christmas with them. I was sick of the pretense of being a loving family. I </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">had</span><span style="font-size: large;"> a loving family. My Family of Origin had nothing to offer except each other<span style="font-size: large;">...</span> and their hat<span style="font-size: large;">red</span>. But that didn't jibe with the image of a loving family, so </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">they moved Christmas to the 15th!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">After being very confused (and repulsed) by my sister's Evil Face (confusion is a normal reaction around the Perfectly Evil -- M. Scott Peck) I made small talk. Our mother was late -- very late. I was actually worried about her.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Hah!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When she did arrive it was almost comical. She had on a long black coat -- almost a cape -- and she roared into the room in an absolute towering rage. She spun around in the room -- enraged -- and I asked, "Why were you late? You kept everyone waiting." Meaning: How rude of you.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"None of your Goddamn business!" Oh, really? I wasn't scared; I was furious. I wanted to spend as little time as possible in the stink of my Evil siblings, and </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">the <span style="font-size: large;">She-beast</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"> just dragged it out.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Ah<span style="font-size: large;">,</span> that was it. It took me several days to work it out, but she had dragged it out on purpose. She wanted her adult, all-grown-up-children to spend as much time as possible with each other...<i>b<span style="font-style: italic;">onding.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then, while I was sitting on the couch next to my spouse, wondering, "Have I put in enough time so that I can go now?" my Evil Older Sister pulled out some gifts from behind the chair and started handing them out!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I froze. It was <span style="font-size: large;">a</span> set-up<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>after all. She handed some to me and my husband, and we just set them on the floor. The other jerks started opening theirs and oohing and ahhing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You know how you're in the nut house, so you do just enough to appease the crazies? We smiled, but we (by silent mutual consent) refused to open our gifts. This accidentally turned out to be the right thing to do. They grew more and more embarrassed at their faux Christmas, and when we finally said, "Well, it's time to go," they sighed with relief.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We gathered up the gifts and left.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If you're wondering why we didn't pitch a fit and walk out without any presents: I knew (in my heart) I was going to go No Contact with them, and that this was a tr<span style="font-size: large;">ia</span>l run on how they would handle me not spending a Christmas with them (um, not well). Since I was never going to speak to them again, there was no point in grandstanding. We get up on a box and shout only when we want someone to listen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I knew they would never listen. Ever. They would never </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">hear</span><span style="font-size: large;"> me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I was also breathless at the Evil Face I saw on my sister. It was the real deal.<span style="font-size: large;">..and </span>absolutely shocking. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">In summation: They don't want me to spend Christmas with them because they </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">loooove</span><span style="font-size: large;"> me<span style="font-size: large;">...</span>they </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">hate</span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">They want me to spend Christmas with them because it controls where I am on </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">this</span><span style="font-size: large;"> day, and they would control <i>all</i> of my days if they could.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So this one Christmas was spun out in their minds as: Well, if we give her <i>this one</i>, she might want another one, and then she'll </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">get ideas</span><span style="font-size: large;">. She'll get a taste of freedom, and that's not acceptable </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">at all<span style="font-size: large;">.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So forget trying to compromise with the Evil Relatives: the Truly Evil are incapable of compromise.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large; font-style: italic;">Any loss of control is seen as complete loss of control.</span></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-12528028728876009532009-08-01T23:48:00.000-07:002013-04-05T03:15:46.472-07:00Evil Trait #3: Parents reward the child most like themselves (and punish those that aren't.)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
</h2>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdvvUd01PQy8cDUq8ui3WRPu5Jt4XgMuKPwJV4YF2lCNNtSYL8fY-KZkW3h3cJltSJZA0ECn5vvr3XHsCrAh63Qq3M67O9hSFBhInDVnR7DXnR_MI2wosKDQYnjGVSzaQ2yRx28y_itHI/s1600-h/FRONT+COVER+FOR+BLOG.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366001500180858882" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdvvUd01PQy8cDUq8ui3WRPu5Jt4XgMuKPwJV4YF2lCNNtSYL8fY-KZkW3h3cJltSJZA0ECn5vvr3XHsCrAh63Qq3M67O9hSFBhInDVnR7DXnR_MI2wosKDQYnjGVSzaQ2yRx28y_itHI/s320/FRONT+COVER+FOR+BLOG.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 320px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 240px;" /></a>1(800) SUICIDE<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: blue;">Abuse-by-Proxy.</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Anonymous (July 29,2009) said, "I've spent my life believing that you can never call someone evil... I know better now... Specifically I would like to hear more about specific traits or common behaviors that identify someone as evil... I think there are identifiable traits..."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes, there are identifiable traits. I will do my best to list list them.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But -- as always -- I want feedback. If you have traits you believe identify Evil People, by all means<span style="font-size: large;">:</span> let me know.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The difference between narcissists and Evil People is that narcissists seem to be unaware of the basic humanity -- the <span style="font-style: italic;">differences</span> -- between themselves and their children. This results in the narcissist trampling all over the child's own likes and dislikes, belief systems, etc. It is willful, but not necessarily premeditated.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">With the Evil Parent, it is willful and premeditated. It arises out of plotting, and planning.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Narcissism is a crime of <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">omission</span>: an unawareness of otherness, and so that otherness gets ignored, set-aside, <span style="font-size: large;">and</span> walked upon. It is as if they are trying to <i>erase</i> the child.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Evil is a crime of <span style="font-weight: bold;">commission</span>. The Evil Parent is acutely aware of the difference of the good child, and they hate it like fire. So they set about punishing the good child (or children), and rewarding the bad children, until they have either destroyed those children, or molded them to their own image.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The </span><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">Abuse-by-Proxy</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"> example: my younger sister was the rotten kid. She would ruin games, pick fights, destroy my property, and later, feign innocence. I would complain to my mother, who would say, "Oh well, you're bigger; I expect more of you."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">At the time</span><span style="font-size: large;">, (when I was nine, ten or eleven) I assumed this was moral laziness on her part. She knew this daughter was a turd, but didn't want to take the time to straighten out her own child, even though most mothers would welcome a chance to guide their child. I know I need to hear when one of my children has done something bad; that way I can nip it in the bud while it is still fresh in the child's mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Reinforcing th<span style="font-size: large;">is</span> "moral laziness" belief was that she <span style="font-style: italic;">knew</span> I was the reasonable one. This bit of insight would also cause her to know that<span style="font-size: large;">...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">a) The wrongdoing probably <span style="font-style: italic;">was</span> my sister's fault and,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">b) She could more easily tell <span style="font-style: italic;">me</span> to back off, than my sister.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That was a great theory, even for a ten year old. Heck, it was a great theory for a thirty year old.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When I got older though, and saw the give and take between these two, I realized my mother was <span style="font-style: italic;">much more aware than I thought</span><span style="font-size: large;">.</span> She punished the good child (me) by letting the bad child destroy me, bit by bit, day by day, and rewarded the bad child for being much like herself.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My mother was acutely aware, from my earliest memory, that I was good,
and therefore "different." I also felt that -- in a general way -- I
was "good" as well. I also felt that my mother had a kind of smiling<span style="font-style: italic;"> condescension</span> towards this goodness. I was an <span style="font-style: italic;">outsider.</span> There was always -- and I mean <b><i>always</i></b> -- a divide between us. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This elegant, simple solution <span style="font-size: large;">(using <span style="font-size: large;">one child </span>to punish another child who is not like yourself) </span>is called <span style="color: blue;">Abuse-by-Proxy</span>. It fulfil<span style="font-size: large;">ls</span> a fundamental need of the Truly Evil: my mother was able to <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">do</span> bad, while <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">looking</span> good. (Evil Trait number two.)</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-70858467172929223562009-07-30T00:48:00.000-07:002013-02-28T23:12:05.120-08:00Evil Trait Number 2: Like Marries Like...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">Now on to the mother.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Folks: here's the dirty little secret about the mother who married an abusive man:<span style="font-style: italic;"> she's exactly the same way. </span><span style="color: red;">Her goal is to destroy the children, while looking innocent doing it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The difference is she's female. She's smaller, less physically imposing, not as strong. Yet in any relationship, she's the capo -- the mob boss -- and he's the hit man. She runs the show; he's the leg breaker. She's actually the stronger one in the partnership because<span style="font-style: italic;"> he's out of control, while s</span>he's <span style="font-style: italic;">exquisitely </span>in control.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here's her <i>covert</i><span style="font-style: italic;">-aggressive</span> way of destroying the children.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When she is beaten by him, how often does it happen in front of the children? Women have been known <span style="font-style: italic;">run into a room</span> where children are when a man is ready to beat them, so that they (the children) could <i>witness</i> it. (Later she would tell the police, "I didn't think he would do it in front of the children!" Hey, Lady: it's <span style="font-style: italic;">never</span> a good idea to use children as a shield.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The real reason was to take a hit (or several) herself, so she could destroy the little ones by having them witness it. Also, men who beat their wives, often beat their kids.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">After the husband has spent years pounding the kids into whimpering shells with his explosive behavior, she divorces him -- or sends him to prison -- and then she has them all to herself. He is, after all, the weaker half of this Evil Duo.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">As the children become adults and the father's influence gets weaker to (due to time, frailty, and often physical distance) she gets stronger. She starts sabotaging any relationships her adult children might have that cause them to grow up and move away.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She's pleads poverty when they want to go to college or trade school, yet seems to have plenty of money for herself.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She insists the adult children don't move too far away.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She insists that they come back for <span style="font-style: italic;">every single holiday</span>, ruining anyone's plans.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She fakes illnesses, eliciting sympathy.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">She insults any sexual partners they bring home. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In short, after the husband has destroyed the children's <span style="font-weight: bold;">past</span>, she picks up the baton and destroys their <span style="font-weight: bold;">future</span>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's an Evil Dance.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Erin Pizzey wrote a marvelous article on this Evil Dance in the following article. The words that spoke to me are:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"They (cruel statements spoken by mothers) were vicious words that I have heard repeated over and over by mothers everywhere. Indeed, when I later opened my refuge for battered women, <span style="color: red;">62 of the first 100 to come through the door were as abusive as the men they had left.</span>"</span><br />
<div id="TixyyLink" style="background-color: transparent; border: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Read more: <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1215464/Why-I-loathe-feminism---believe-ultimately-destroy-family.html#ixzz0SPryrmSv">http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1215464/Why-I-loathe-feminism---believe-ultimately-destroy-family.html#ixzz0SPryrmSv</a></span></div>
<br />
<h1 style="font-weight: normal;">
<br /></h1>
</div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-80044427450869195472009-07-29T22:38:00.000-07:002013-03-06T12:25:01.298-08:00Evil Trait Number 1: Doing bad while looking good...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">Like marries like, so two parents who look --and act -- different on the surface are actually co-conspirators in an conjoined effort to destroy the children. It's a dance.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Men are more aggressive than women, so the father is aggressive-aggressive, while the mother is covert-aggressive.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My father beat us, used the "Now I'm angry/Now I'm not<span style="font-size: large;">,"</span> posture, and threw things at us. He beat and choked my mother.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I thought she was the innocent one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Eventually she threw him out of the house, but he still insisted on visitation rights so he could maintain a menacing presence. While he was menacing us at every visit, he also: got us library cards, went to <span style="font-style: italic;">every</span> PTA meeting, and played "catch" with us.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">As well as the stories above, he <span style="font-style: italic;">also</span>...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">1) Absolutely refused to buy us new clothes or food. My mother was on food stamps (God bless food stamps) until she could get herself on her feet. We wore extremely worn clothes.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2) Gave us birthday presents, and made us open them...<span style="font-style: italic;">at a restaurant!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3) Called us stupid and cuffed us when no one was looking.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">4) Presented us with savings bonds for our birthday, made out to <span style="font-style: italic;">his name</span> and ours. After showing it to us (whoopee!) he took them back ("...for safe-keeping,") and we never saw them again.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Have you figured it out yet?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1) PTA meetings: He looked like Father of the Year. The teachers were in awe of him.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2) Library cards: Looked good, <span style="font-style: italic;">to the librarian.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3) Opening the gifts in a restaurant: He wanted <span style="font-style: italic;">total strangers</span> to adore him for what a great father he was.<span style="font-size: large;"> (</span>Ditto "playing catch": it's out in public.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">5) He "presented" us with a "gift" that was impossible to spend, and we never even got <span style="font-style: italic;">that</span> much.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Hitting, name calling, food insecurity (look it up), skinnyness and worn (but clean) clothes were covered up.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">He wanted to do bad, while looking good.</span> His entire world was divided into those two acts because he's Evil.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">His goal is to destroy the children, while looking good doing it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Because he's male, his acts of aggression are violent and out-of-control.The father is usually outed -- in public, in a divorce court -- as someone who is bad for the children. The children are "given" (awarded) to the <span style="font-size: large;">mother, who s<span style="font-size: large;">tan</span>ds by looking innocent.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">She's not. She invited the vampire over the threshold in the first place. Out of an entire world filled with nice men, <span style="font-size: large;">s</span>he bred with the demon.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Following the formula that <span style="color: blue;">Like marries Like,</span> and he's Evil, then she's Evil as well. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Following the formula that she-- also -- wants to <span style="color: blue;">do bad while looking good</span>, she gets th<span style="font-size: large;">e man to do her dirty work<span style="font-size: large;"> (destroying the children)<span style="font-size: large;"> while she stands by looking frail and <i>victimized</i>.</span> <span style="font-size: large;">T</span>hen, when, through divorce, frailty or frustration with his efforts, he's no longer in the picture, she takes over and becomes the <span style="font-size: large;">G</span>reater Evil.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">It's a dance. He play<span style="font-size: large;">s the greater role in destroying the children when they are youn<span style="font-size: large;">g, and she takes over and <span style="font-size: large;">continues to destroy them when they are older. </span></span></span> </span></span> </span></span></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-49818363840290766952009-07-28T10:25:00.000-07:002013-03-02T14:47:02.766-08:00Five Stages after going No Contact<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">1(800) SUICIDE</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I went No Contact approximately ten years ago. Your experience may not be like mine, so I would like to hear how it went for you.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The five stages of grief following the pronouncement of impending death are: Denial, rage, bargaining, depression, and -- finally -- acceptance. You may go through these very stages following cut-off.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Denial</b>: I'm their child: their flesh and blood. They can't possibly be treating me that badly...can they?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Rage</b>: <i>Why the fck are they treating me so badly?</i> I don't deserve that.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bargaining</b>: If I give you what you say you want -- one more holiday, or choose <i>this</i> career path over <i>that</i> one, or show you that my marriage doesn't mean I am abandoning you -- you'll lighten up...right?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Depression</b>: You're never going to accept me and my decisions, are you?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I really have to cut you <b><i>completely out of my life</i></b> in order to save myself, don't I?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Acceptance</b>: self-explanatory.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The five stages following No - Contact (NC) for me are: Rage, Second-guessing, Peace, Sadness for others, Transcendence.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">Rage</span><span style="font-size: large;">: Self-explanatory. I went through every possible phase of yelling at people who aren't there, bending my husband's ear with, "Don't they know how much time they are wasting?" cursing, taking it out on loved ones; you name it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">Second Guessing:</span><span style="font-size: large;"> "If I had just said it <span style="font-style: italic;">this</span> way, it might have gotten through,"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"If I had said <span style="font-style: italic;">this</span>, at this time -- right after the incident -- it might have worked,"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"If this..."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"If that..."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Never once did I question going No Contact; everything had reached an impasse. I questioned letting things get that far gone. That was clearly something I could control<i>,</i> since I was the only thinking human being in the room...right? If I could climb into my way-back machine and correct their bad behavior immediately instead of rewarding it by smiling and putting up with it <span style="font-style: italic;">one more time</span>, could I have nipped it in the bud?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">Peace:</span><span style="font-size: large;"> Through all the second-guessing, time passes. And with the passage of time, knowing that I don't have to spend <i>one more Christmas</i> with them, wherein they insult my gifts, or one more holiday, where I am sick to my stomach two weeks ahead of the event, or...well, everything. A type of peace settles over the household.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">In between devising ways to screen email and phone calls, and saying "heads up" at places <span style="font-style: italic;">they</span> might gather, there is <span style="font-style: italic;">peace.</span> There are longer and longer stretches of time where there are no demons riding along in my head. One heals in those stretches of time. Much like not picking a scab, it finally heals and falls off, leaving the scar. The peace quells all the second-guessing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">Sadness for others:</span><span style="font-size: large;"> Once I got over feeling sorry for myself and all the time that was lost, I could finally begin to see -- with mounting horror -- that time is still being lost for <span style="font-style: italic;">them</span>. Buckets-full, barrel-loads of precious time are thrown away by them as they wait, plot and plan to get me back into the fold. They didn't move on with their lives, as I did. They are frozen in time, getting older, but not <span style="font-style: italic;">feeling</span> it, because they think they have forever.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> And I realized they will go to their graves that way.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Their house falls into disrepair, their marriages fail, their children move away, they don't make out any wills or trusts -- not the least being the ones saying where they would like to be buried, or have their ashes scattered.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> Sadness -- and horror -- settles in when I realized how pathetic they are.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I have peace and they have...pettiness.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> It is this realization that brings great sadness.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">Transcendence:</span><span style="font-size: large;"> This is the stage I resented the most.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Cutting them off not only saved my sanity and my soul, it suited my deep-seated need for revenge. Who cares if they suffer and decay? I was their victim, and <i>I</i> suffered. Eye for an eye.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then I started to realize that abuse is generational. I know <i>for a fact</i> that my grandparents were abusive to my parents, and I can only assume that the abuse echoed down through the generations.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">For whatever reason, I was the firewall. The abuse stopped with me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But once you see the ripples within ripples, and if we <span style="font-style: italic;">know </span>an Evil Parent can take an innocent little child, and destroy his sense of normalcy, all the while looking like a pillar of society -- giving that child no where to turn -- don't you think the child (who became my parent) is going to be very, very angry, indeed?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This realization didn't cause me to forgive them -- taking it out on me was unforgivable. That's why I never go through the "acceptance" stage: I'll <b><i>never</i></b> "accept" what they did to me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But this bit of insight helped me to turn my back on them without so much rage inside. </span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-55832722948553530882009-07-27T23:42:00.000-07:002013-03-06T12:26:08.750-08:00How do you mourn when they're not dead?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">After going No Contact<span style="font-style: italic;">, One Angry Daughter</span> said, "I had to mourn the <i>idea</i> of family and come to terms that my FOO would never fit that ideal."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">This is so true. I found that it is <i>no less than</i> mourning a death, except they are still walking around.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">They are are a bit like zombies to us. We want No Contact, and we fear running into them at the shopping center or grocery store, because they will tear off chunks of our still living flesh and feed off of it, as they have done so many times before.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I had to come to terms that my Family of Origin would never "fit the ideal." Ever. It's been ten years since I went No Contact, and just when I think my hide has hardened, something -- sometimes the strangest thing -- will make me cry.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">You know the movie <span style="font-style: italic;">Dan in Real Life</span>, with Steve Carell? I loved that movie on the surface of it: it was beautifully filmed, it had pitch-perfect casting, and we were supposed to weep when we saw him sleeping single in a double bed because his wife had died, leaving him with three growing daughters.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I never shed a tear over that. And I recognized the standard romantic comedy of falling for your brother's girlfriend. I walked out of the theater having enjoyed it, but I was stiff with grief over something unnamed. I didn't cry until much later, when I was all alone.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was grieving over the three-generation hierarchy I saw in one lovely old house. The grandparents were wise, loving and funny. They weren't stupid, as so many old people are portrayed in movies. The middle-agers were struggling with marriage, loss, jobs and careers. Also realistic. <span style="color: blue;">The kids were just happy to be there, as children should be: care-<span style="font-style: italic;">free</span>.</span> Everyone was different, but they all got along. They were all happy to share what precious time there was.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I watched that knowing that I will <span style="font-style: italic;">never</span> experience it. It will never be mine. Something that I <span style="font-style: italic;">covet</span> will be out of my fingertips' reach, through no fault of my own. But rather merely...circumstance.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was unlucky enough to be born amid a den of freaks.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">My grandparents were dead before, or shortly after, I was born. So that generation is lost.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">My parents <i>are</i> freaks, so that generation is "lost."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">My four siblings are awful, so that generation is not an option.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Do you see where I'm heading? I could never be the child in the three-generation family: it's gone forever.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't be the middle-agers, because although my children are delightful, my parents and siblings are horrible. This scenario is slipping away with the passing of time.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Ah. There is a slender hope: I can be the grandparent, along with my delightful husband. If we play our cards right, and assuming (and they are free to do as they wish) my children want children themselves, we can maybe -- just maybe -- be the loving, wise, and funny grandparents in <span style="font-style: italic;">Dan in Real Life.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I treat my children with respect (and much love), so that they will want to come visit me at my house after they are independent and on their own. I treat my husband with respect (and much love) so that we may remain vibrant in our old age.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And maybe -- just maybe -- I can have the three loving, caring generations under one roof that I so covet, and cried over.</span></div>
</div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-54491146173486616882009-07-22T22:48:00.000-07:002013-03-03T23:01:49.622-08:00The Evil will always work against their own best interest.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKd8ReOqkaU3SB2Y95JKcF4qF2EttRyFo5H1riIhBUjoRvBzCM-InG69IbdPp7XRpWdUt3JChOxBhOHtr00lkTgfKkA09N8QAWjPSihWOISfQQ50q0PP-KzroPb9jZKaHgO3pyKO9JBfk/s1600-h/FRONT+COVER+FOR+BLOG.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5361529312952958146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKd8ReOqkaU3SB2Y95JKcF4qF2EttRyFo5H1riIhBUjoRvBzCM-InG69IbdPp7XRpWdUt3JChOxBhOHtr00lkTgfKkA09N8QAWjPSihWOISfQQ50q0PP-KzroPb9jZKaHgO3pyKO9JBfk/s320/FRONT+COVER+FOR+BLOG.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 320px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 240px;" /></a><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It's true.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If we make Hitler<span style="font-size: large;"><i>,</i></span> "The Patron Saint of Evil," think about how he ended up<span style="font-size: large;">:</span> Shooting himself and his mistress in the bunker. His Third Reich (The <span style="font-size: large;">Third Empire) </span>was supposed to last a thousand years<span style="font-size: large;"> and rule the entire world.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It lasted less than twelve. His war machine was <span style="font-size: large;">broken and </span>penniless<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>by the many bizarre decis<span style="font-size: large;">ions he <span style="font-size: large;">made.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">His own people killed Mussolini, buried him, dug him up, hung him by his boot-heels and shot his corpse full of holes<span style="font-size: large;">, along with</span> his mistress.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Hirohito lived to a ripe old age, but he lived long enough to know that his people were told, "He is not a God<span style="font-size: large;">, h</span>e<span style="font-size: large;">'</span>s only a man." What do you think that did to his overripe ego?</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Gaddafi, (of Libya) who had <b>billions</b> of American dollars stashed in overseas accounts <i>waited until the very last second to run</i>; he was captured and killed by his own people on the way out of town.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">These <span style="font-size: large;">E</span>vil Parents divide their children into the Golden <span style="font-size: large;">C</span>hild and the Scapegoat. They stunt the gro<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">wt</span>h <span style="font-size: large;">of the Golden Child and treat the Scapegoats like dirt<span style="font-size: large;">. The Scapegoats escape, and grow into capable, whole adults. The Goldens, by contrast, are unable to care for <i>themselves</i>, let alone anyone else.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Too late, the <span style="font-size: large;">p</span>arents realize that. </span></span></span></span> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">My mother did that. <span style="font-size: large;">Whoever will take care of her? </span>With five children, four of whom worship her and one who despises her (me) guess who she fixated on to take care of her in her old age? Yup: me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">My siblings are Evil, or control-freaks, or just plain seriously f**ked up, and </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">she's</span><span style="font-size: large;"> Evil. <span style="font-size: large;">T</span>hey have to get together for </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">every freakin' holiday up to and including Groundhog Day</span><span style="font-size: large;"> so that they can vibrate to the same Evil emanations. <span style="font-size: large;">S</span>o you'd </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">think</span><span style="font-size: large;"> she'd want to spend her rotten old age with one of them.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">But nooo<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>.</b></span></i> She wants <i>me</i> to take care of her.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Me<span style="font-size: large;">. S</span>omeone who can't stand to be around her, who tried to escape her Crap-taculars so I could lead a normal life, someone who went </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">no contact</span><span style="font-size: large;"> just to get away from the ghasty holidays where I had to force a smile on my face and pretend I liked their stink<span style="font-size: large;">. Actually, I </span>felt dirty afterwards, like I'd f**ked a corpse.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">During the very last conversation I had with her, I said, in these exact words<span style="font-size: large;">,</span> "I wouldn't spend one hour of my precious time, or one dime of my hard-earned money, taking care of your worthless carcass." </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Do you think she got mad? Yelled at me? <span style="font-size: large;">Picked a fight</span>, in any way, shape or form? No...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She blinked. That was it. </span><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">File not found.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> She searched in her memory banks and said to herself, "No. I am lovable. It is inconceivable that someone wouldn't love me. Therefore I will erase the tape of what I just heard." And just like that, she did. (Think also of Hitler, Hirohito, et al, right here. They also believed the masses adored them.)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She waited until the conversation went back to "normal," and then proceeded as if nothing happened; which, in a sense, it did. If she decided nothing happened, then, by God, nothing happened.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">One of the many reasons I went No Contact with her was so that she would make other plans for her old age. </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;"> I</span><span style="font-size: large;"> am Plan A.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">There is no Plan B.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Now, ten years on, with <span style="font-size: large;">n</span>o <span style="font-size: large;">c</span>ontact whatsoever, I still get the feeling she is waiting for me to "come around." It sends shivers down my spine.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She saves no money, she treats her other children like dirt, thinking it will draw them closer (which it does)<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>and she makes no plans for her eventual decline. She is eighty, and can't see past the end of her own nose.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">The Evil always work against their own best interest.</span></span></div>
</div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-23374671978107789252009-06-09T16:17:00.000-07:002012-02-19T15:09:19.881-08:00Most Important Parable.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5dQXYVRRJalmSRfRrL7Elhmvte4p6lYk5hqEz0WETopU6UXhyphenhyphenYzPxNQy32ynGYUCoAp78-2d9gbGmxrpoH1aGHmmC9WCc2Q6InRBxyl46ICih7e4vNdFNwOCCX5eVKrSvjhhvHrN7Orw/s1600-h/Front+cover+for+blog.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5345471417002706274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5dQXYVRRJalmSRfRrL7Elhmvte4p6lYk5hqEz0WETopU6UXhyphenhyphenYzPxNQy32ynGYUCoAp78-2d9gbGmxrpoH1aGHmmC9WCc2Q6InRBxyl46ICih7e4vNdFNwOCCX5eVKrSvjhhvHrN7Orw/s320/Front+cover+for+blog.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 320px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 240px;" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">1(800) SUICIDE</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The most important parable you could ever memorize for -- not understanding -- but </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">dealing with</span><span style="font-size: large;">, evil people.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A young woman was walking down the street, pulling her jacket tighter about herself as protection against the snow.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Suddenly she saw a snake. She was so startled she stopped. He looked weak, and half frozen. He spoke to her.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"If you give me a lift in your coat, it will get me much warmer, and I won't perish out here in the snow."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The woman pulled her coat </span><span style="font-size: large;">even tighter </span><span style="font-size: large;">about herself .</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"But if I do that, you will bite me, and I will die."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Why would I do that?" asked the snake. "If I bit you, and you died, then we would both die, because I cannot take the cold."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>The woman was repulsed</i>, but she felt she couldn't argue with the logic. And besides, she felt sorry for the snake. So she lifted him up and placed him underneath her jacket, next to her throat, and continued on her way.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">After she had walked a city block, she felt a sharp pain in her throat, and reached up to feel blood there. She slid to the ground and fell over, feeling her life slip away. Through blurry eyes, she saw the snake uncoil and crawl into the snow.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"But now we will both die!" said the woman. "Why did you do that?"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I couldn't help it," said the snake, "it is my nature." And he slithered off to die in the snow.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">The Evil will always work against their own best interests.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I know you don't believe this, but it's true. It's a movie affectation that The Evil are greedy and money-grubbing, that they want the best houses, the prettiest, most-handsome spouses, and all that life has to offer.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The Evil value controlling others. They will take you down </span><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">at all costs</span><span style="font-size: large;">. </span><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">All</span><span style="font-size: large;"> costs. This consumes them so much that they don't pursue other, normal, interests.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">They are a Narcissist</span><span style="color: #ffffcc;"> </span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">Narcissist</span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;"> Narcissist </span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">Narcissist</span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;"> Narcissist </span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">Narcissist </span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">Narcissist</span> <span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">Narcissist</span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;"> Narcissist </span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">Narcissist</span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;"> Narcissist </span><span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;">Narcissist</span></div>T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-42013708961598752092009-01-30T23:26:00.000-08:002009-07-27T23:31:37.209-07:00My Book.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliY7pJD7UlpIxs4oEZOM6_BfkICokClFd7f7LAwjMj_6pDLEQa67PlbwHIrhRyNmpHsZeeum7cDNyMCdx13QrVjYaKLzfsc1PUIk4-9u_hOseQ-ZNLYAMNxkRaAR_FPYQvObwxGIaXIM/s1600-h/Front+cver+with+text.jpg"><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="font-style: italic;">"A Primer on Evil"</span> by me: T! </span></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliY7pJD7UlpIxs4oEZOM6_BfkICokClFd7f7LAwjMj_6pDLEQa67PlbwHIrhRyNmpHsZeeum7cDNyMCdx13QrVjYaKLzfsc1PUIk4-9u_hOseQ-ZNLYAMNxkRaAR_FPYQvObwxGIaXIM/s1600-h/Front+cver+with+text.jpg"><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">I am so far underground, my FOO will never find me. </span></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliY7pJD7UlpIxs4oEZOM6_BfkICokClFd7f7LAwjMj_6pDLEQa67PlbwHIrhRyNmpHsZeeum7cDNyMCdx13QrVjYaKLzfsc1PUIk4-9u_hOseQ-ZNLYAMNxkRaAR_FPYQvObwxGIaXIM/s1600-h/Front+cver+with+text.jpg"><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> Available on Amazon.com and other online retailers. ISBN: 1436353572. </span></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliY7pJD7UlpIxs4oEZOM6_BfkICokClFd7f7LAwjMj_6pDLEQa67PlbwHIrhRyNmpHsZeeum7cDNyMCdx13QrVjYaKLzfsc1PUIk4-9u_hOseQ-ZNLYAMNxkRaAR_FPYQvObwxGIaXIM/s1600-h/Front+cver+with+text.jpg"><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> A brief, smoking-hot 72 pages -- because Evil People are <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> deep!</span><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliY7pJD7UlpIxs4oEZOM6_BfkICokClFd7f7LAwjMj_6pDLEQa67PlbwHIrhRyNmpHsZeeum7cDNyMCdx13QrVjYaKLzfsc1PUIk4-9u_hOseQ-ZNLYAMNxkRaAR_FPYQvObwxGIaXIM/s320/Front+cver+with+text.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5297356253010908290" border="0" /></a>T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801158145693043788.post-12816699237039670472009-01-30T17:11:00.000-08:002013-03-05T23:02:58.154-08:00My father: An Introduction.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<style>
<!--
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Times;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
</style><b><span style="font-size: large;">My Father: An Introduction.</span></b></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">"A Primer on Evil," by me: T! ISBN: 1436353572. Available through Amazon.com and other online retailers. 72 pages, because Evil People are not deep!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Hi Everyone!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I created this site to give everyone a place to talk about Evil .</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This is not the place to talk about the Great Dictators or the Criminal Masterminds. When was the last time any of these affected you?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">No, this is the place to write about all the Evil People you personally know. I wrote my book (A Primer on Evil) and created this website to:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">a) List all those traits Evil People have in common.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">b) Help you categorize and label them, and,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">c) <span style="font-size: large;">H</span>elp you name Evil.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Remember:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">To name something is to gain power over it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Rules for posting:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> Be artful. By nature, I like that which is both beautiful (expresses an idea well) and functional (nails it, giving readers the tools to discern).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Many people, suffering the unacceptable behavior of those around them, are searching on the internet and gravitating to those terms that resonate with them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">That's fine. On my website, I parse it this way:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Narcissist:</b> A character disorder, brought on by an unfortunate childhood. Not fixable, as the narcissist thinks they are practically perfect in every way, and feels no need to visit a psychiatrist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Sociopath:</b> Believe it or not, many educated and intelligent people are looking for a genetic link. I strongly believe sociopaths are raised, not born. Nurture, not nature. The best definition I have heard is: they are empty behind the eyes; they have no soul. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Evil:</b> A choice. Period. Full stop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">1) The Evil Person has clearly made a choice to violate you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">2) The Evil Person is fully aware of his actions, and goes to great lengths to hide it (from others).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">3) Unlike the narcissist, who seems to be unaware of the fundamental humanity of his victim, and therefore crosses normal boundaries accidentally as often as not, the Evil Person is fully aware of your humanity, and hates it with every fiber of his being.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I fear that many people have both a natural revulsion -- and great sadness -- to naming those to whom they are closely related, as Evil. So let's get right down to it:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">What is Evil, anyway?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The essence of Evil is the deep-seated need to trap, and control, others.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Evil abdicate their responsibility to think, to feel, to care about anyone but themselves. All discipline is thrown out the window, and they no longer reign themselves in. *</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">*They do this for one simple elegant reason: to get their own way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">What are their traits?</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The two dominant traits of the Truly Evil are self-righteousness, and self-pity.*</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">*All their actions are justified, and they -- the Evil -- are the true victims.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">In my case, (I thought) my father was the greater Evil amongst the people I was born into, (I don't call them my family, as I am happily married now, and my spouse and children are my family).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">Like marries like,</span> so my mother was also evil<span style="font-size: large;">. </span> Because their children were raised by two control-freaks, isolated from relatives who might have provided balance, my siblings grew up jostling for control, amongst themselves and over others (one sister became a manager so she could destroy the lives of those under her).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">My father expressed (to me) almost all the traits of an abusive husband towards his wife<span style="font-size: large;">. Here's <i>one</i>:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">1) He didn't care whether I was feeling "up" or "down," so long as he put me there.<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>This is the thing I will <i>never</i> forgive <span style="font-size: large;">him</span> for<span style="font-size: large;">. </span> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When I was a child, I was naturally enthusiastic. I loved life.<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>So one day when I was happy and he said to me, "Get off your high horse," or some such. Since he was violently abusive, and I didn't want to get him angry, I thought (child that I was) he will be calmer if I bring myself down a notch<span style="font-size: large;">, the next time I see<span style="font-size: large;"> him.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">In other words, if I can control <i>my</i> behavior, I can control <i>his</i>. </span>(Doesn't this sound like the futile endless loop of a beaten housewife?<span style="font-size: large;">)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">So, on another day, when I was "up" and happy, and forced to see him (my parents were divorced) I rearranged my mood, my posture etc. <i>to bring myself down</i>. (I was nine years old! I shouldn't have to do this!) It was all an attempt to get him to not explode with some violent outburst. I was scared and tired of his outbursts. I thought it would work.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">He said, upon seeing my mood, "Hey, buck up<span style="font-size: large;">.</span> It's not so bad<span style="font-size: large;">.</span>"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">What the f**k! How did he know? He never asked me what was going on in my life. He didn't care enough. And the "it" -- of which he spoke -- was <i>him</i>! "It" <u>is</u> bad, because the "it" is <u><b>you</b></u>, you f**king freak!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;"><a about="" created="" everyday="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=6801158145693043788&postID=1281669923703967047" i="" is="" it="" talk="" this="" to="" website=""><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span> </span></a></span></div>
<span style="color: #ffffcc; font-size: 78%;"><a about="" created="" everyday="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=6801158145693043788&postID=1281669923703967047" i="" is="" it="" talk="" this="" to="" website=""><br />
</a></span></div>
T.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12957272943036295749noreply@blogger.com6